How to do without

It’s probably not a term you hear all that often these days but it’s certainly one I learnt to live with when I was a single mother for over 2 years and even before then, the only way to survive in the 21st century is to learn how to do without.

What is it?

It’s probably not even a term but a way of life that my parents, my grandparents and generations them before learnt to live by just naturally. They all lived through difficult times like the World Wars, the Depression, shortage of work, one income families, mortgage stress and most of the things that we live through today. The only difference was that was their way of life all the time. 

When times were ‘lean’, they managed. They managed to keep a roof over their head, food on the table and everyone was clean and well dressed. When times were ‘good’ they still maintained that way of life so it set them up for the lean times. This was the way of life back then and one that I was taught by my parents.

I’ve had a pretty good life considering. From the time I left home in my late teens, all through my twenties and my thirties when I either lived alone or shared accommodation with a boyfriend, I always managed to pay the bills on time and eat well. I’ve never been in a situation where I was on the verge of being homeless or feeling really, really hungry.

I’m not saying there weren’t lean times. Before I had my children, I always worked. I was never without a job but there were times, just like most people, when my (now ex) husband lost his job or an unexpected bill came in that was in the thousands when it either depleted your savings or you didn’t have the money saved up. I think we’ve all been through those sorts of situations.

By cutting back on those things that cost a lot of money during especially lean times, you’ll find that extra money. It won’t be permanent. It never is. I didn’t know how I was going to manage paying my mortgage, feeding my children, buying their clothes/school books etc etc when my marriage broke down. I can remember some weeks only having $20 to buy food for the week but I knew how to do without.

Why should we live without?

I see it in the media every day. People today just aren’t coping with their financial commitments and struggle to know whether to put food on the table or pay the electricity bill. There are generations of people growing up who have never known what it’s like to do without. There is a feeling of instant gratification wanted by people today where they want what “everyone else has”. To have at least one family holiday per year (who doesn’t want that?), the latest model TV, pay TV or cable, packaged convenience food from the supermarket because it’s easy, to buy takeaway food because it’s easy, to have 2 new cars in the driveway, to have a fancy new house, to pay for private school and to give your children all the things because you didn’t have that growing up.

Both parents are working these days to be able to afford all of this. Some families just have to or else they’ll be homeless. I just wonder if they would’ve had lesser expectations in the start or learnt to do without there wouldn’t be the need for both parents to work and have to come up with the exorbitant prices the child care centres charge. (This isn’t an article about whether you should stay at home or go to work. People can do what they want. I want people to know that there is a way that you can have it all. It just doesn’t have to be right away.)

How can I adapt to this way of life?

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you have to STOP and admit that you are in fact in financial strife. Living from week to week, living on credit and paying off the bare minimum each month just isn’t going to do you any favours in the long term. It’s like digging a hole. Eventually you will hit ‘rock bottom’.

First and foremost, your life should never be about stuff. A new car, a fancy house, the latest toys and gadgets for the whole family, latest fashions, the latest seasonal homewares in the store catalogue that ‘everyone is raving about’. IT’S ALL JUST STUFF! 

You’ve got to go right back to basics which are FOOD, CLOTHING and, most importantly, SHELTER. Without those three things you’re hungry, cold/hot and homeless. It’s time to face facts. By learning to do without now, you can have those finer things in life or wonderful experiences for you and your family down the track. No one wants to be homeless, cold or hungry. It’s not a lifestyle that I’d ever like to be trying in a hurry.

Forget about credit

Unless you are absolutely, 100% going to pay off what you spend on your credit card every, single month, don’t live in credit. You may get what you’re buying now, but you will have to pay that credit back. Learn to do without whatever that is. I know some people would rather have a small credit card for emergencies but it is much better to slowly start saving for an “emergency fund” for these types of expenses. The car breaks down, your electric hot water system dies or you have a child starting school and you need to pay for those things right away.

Each situation needs to be looked at in depth and another solution found rather than going into credit. Will the mechanic offer you an interest free payment plan? Will the utilities provider offer you an interest free payment plan? Can you manage with boiling water for a bath? (My parents and grandparents would’ve did that as a way of life.) 

I can remember, when my marriage broke down, I had nothing and it was at the start of a new school year. I managed to buy a couple second hand school uniforms which were clean and ironed for my children’s first day of school. They had second hand school shoes and I went to the school’s office and said “I’m sorry but my children don’t have any of the school books that are on the book list as I just can’t afford it.” I explained that I would buy them when my financial situation improved. They told me not to worry and put together a basic school book and stationery package for both of my children which saw them through the first term of school which I am eternally grateful.

This was only temporary. I soon got back on my feet and have been managing quite well since then. The school books were just lower on my list of priorities as far as mine and my family’s basic needs goes. FOOD, CLOTHING, SHELTER.

Forget about credit and really look for another way.

Create a budget and stick to it

Knowing just how much money you have coming in and how much you have going out each week, fortnight or month will keep you on track of your spending. Don’t forget to ‘pay yourself’, that is, set up an account just for emergencies. Even if it is $10 per fortnight or a month, it’s something that will cover emergencies. (Check out my FREE online course “Household Finances”.)

Learn how to DIY

Learn how to do basic things for yourself at home. I never paid a cent for my children’s hair cuts until just recently and they are now 12 and 10. Even if I do pay for a haircut for my daughter it’s only $10 at the local cheap hairdressing salon. I colour my own hair and usually just trim the ends myself.

There is a video tutorial on YouTube for everything. If you have a leaky tap, buy the seals from the hardware and fix it yourself. Does your car need an oil change? Buy the oil and do it yourself.

Don’t have a loaf of bread in the house, make sure you always have flour in the pantry and make a simple loaf or bread type recipe yourself. You only have to look at some countries like India who have the best bread in the world and it’s made from flour, water and a bit of oil. 

Before you buy a particular food or pay for a particular service, check out how to do it yourself at home. You’ll save yourself money and you’ll learn a new skill.

Cook from scratch

I’m lucky in that I learnt to cook from my mother from the age of about 8 years old. I’ve always been passionate about cooking and food so it’s easy for me but if there is a packaged food item at the store that’s going to make my life ‘easier’ or it’s going to be convenient, forget it. I just don’t buy it. I keep a well stocked pantry with the ingredients of the recipes that my family eat and I make it from scratch.

For convenience, I precook some food or meals that I can reheat at a moment’s notice which makes meal times easy. An illness in the family or a kid’s dance rehearsal always throws a spanner in the works at my house but I know I can rely on my freezer for a bag of cooked rice to serve with a quick stir fry or frozen bread rolls for a healthy burger on those busy nights. This saves having to buy takeaway or buy convenience ingredients. At worse, there have been many times when I’ve fed the children a sandwich and fruit and I’ve had a cup of coffee. We didn’t starve and it filled an empty belly.

Wants and needs

Before you purchase anything, ask yourself “is it a want or a need?”. Needs are food, clothing or shelter. Wants are all those flashy things that everyone else has. Learn to live without now and prosper later when you can afford it. You really should be asking yourself is that thing I want really going to benefit my family or I? Is it just stuff? Is my TV working and do I really need to update it because there is a new model out? Do I need the latest mobile phone just because there is a new model out? 

When buying clothes ask yourself “how much wear will I get out of this particular piece of clothing?” Will it go with other items in my closet? Will it last? Can I buy it from a charity shop for a fraction of the price? Do I really need to be in the new season’s latest styles? Can I update, recycle or re-purpose already owned items to keep in touch with the latest fashions? It’s all about learning how to do without and making do with what you already have.

Cutting out the luxuries

Everyone has their own ideas of what is a luxury. For me it is pay TV. We don’t go out to the cinema very much and would much rather enjoy watching a recent release movie in the comfort of our home with a big bowl of homemade popcorn. There have been many times in my life when I’ve had to cancel it because it was just an unnecessary expense and I needed to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. 

When things picked up again and my financial situation improved, I got it put back on again when a special deal came up. It’s still one of those luxuries I think we could live without but I do love watching cooking shows and we love our movie nights at home.

Think about what ‘luxuries’ you pay for on a regular basis and if you could really do without them, for the meantime. You could quite possibly save up to $13,000 or more per year. Giving up your daily coffee, walking the kids to school, car pooling to work, no takeaway meals. Your monthly manicure, a new tattoo, alcohol, cigarettes, dining out. All those little luxuries that we lose track of the amount we spend on could all help towards getting you through tough times or just create a new way of life.

Buy second hand or get it for free

It’s pretty much impossible to live without a fridge or a bed these days but instead of buying new, paying for it on credit because you don’t have the money, post a ‘Wanted’ ad on some of the free websites around or look for one second hand. I have a second hand freezer that cost us $40 and it hasn’t missed a beat.

Getting help

There are many charity organisations who are set up to help people in dire straits. Unfortunately, their resources are stretched to the limit because of so many people experiencing hard times but they are there for you. 

I didn’t even know they existed when I was first single. I had always managed but my first Christmas alone with the children, things were really tight. I hadn’t bought them a lot of presents over the years prior but other than a couple things I’d put away during the year from the charity store, I didn’t have any Christmas presents for them. Someone mentioned a charity and how you can register for a Christmas hamper. This lovely couple came out to my home and gave the children each a present and a beautiful hamper full of Christmas treats and basic pantry staples. I broke down and cried because I didn’t believe there were people or organisations out there who would help me. 

As a rule I always donate to this organisation ever since because of that hard time in my life but check out your local listings or Google for help. When you can’t meet your needs, you do need help. 

 

Remember, this all helps towards saving that little bit towards an emergency fund and ultimately having those special things in your life that you and your family desire. Small sacrifices and living without all help towards that. You don’t need it now. Learn how to do without so you can manage through lean times and flourish in good times. 

It's better to stand out from the crowd

I have a small blackboard on the wall beside my back door and I’ve been leaving subtle messages or ‘words of wisdom’ for my children to read and the last one I wrote was “it’s better to stand out from the crowd than to fit in”. It got me thinking about how I’ve applied that to all aspects of my life, for most of my adult life, and not follow trends or buy things just for the sake of buying or having them or that everyone else has them.

I just recently watched a really interesting documentary about Steve Jobs “The Man in the Machine”, the founder of Apple, and it really hit home about how much “standing out from the crowd” can be applied there for me. You see, I’ve never owned an Apple product nor know much about them but I’m so glad I never jumped on that bandwagon. I was impressed with his vision and determination but how he marketed his products to make people think that they couldn’t live without them just made me mad. Also, how cheaply the products are made at the risk of people’s lives just for the sake of making a dollar. At the end of the day, that’s all that company cares about. Their shareholders.

I only have to look at my own children and how obsessed with their iPads they are. (I didn’t buy them. Their father did as a way to communicate with him when they are here with me.) It really is near an addiction. I do put limits on their use and maybe they weren’t swayed by Steve Jobs’ marketing ploys but the people who queue for days only to be the first to get the new iPhone is beyond craziness. 

Fashion

I like to stay up with the latest fashion trends but it doesn’t mean I go out and buy everything new from the fashion outlets. I use what I already have or pick up what I need (and I mean need, if I have enough clothes that will do, I won’t buy anymore clothes). Year after year, season after season, people are convinced that they need the latest fashion styles and spend up big, whether they have the money or not, for what? Just so they can fit in? I’d much rather stand out from the crowd. I love my own individual style. I wear what I feel comfortable in and whether it keeps me cool in summer and warm in winter. Shouldn’t that be enough?

Homewares

Same goes for homewares. With social media being a huge marketing tool for homeware stores, there is this must have mentality from consumers that they just have to go and buy the stuff whether they need it or not. Our home should be our safe place. A safe and secure place where we can eat our food, rest our head and take shelter from the elements. It shouldn’t be filled with cheap Asian imports especially because retailers are telling us we need it. It’s outrageous. In 6 months time there’ll be another lot of stuff just waiting for consumers to buy it and the stuff they already have will end up as land fill.

Environment

I know we need an economy to make the world go around but at this rate, at what price? There is so much harm being done to the environment manufacturing all this stuff. Why not just use what we have? What’s wrong with hand making adornments for your home from fabric scraps or repurposing old furniture with a makeover? How individual would that be? Wouldn’t that be much better than following the crowd? I know that’s what I prefer to do. It does the same job at the end of the day.

Lesson

And as far as the lesson I’m trying to teach my kids, as they approach the teenage years, the message couldn’t be more appropriate. Already we’ve had one incident with my 11 year old daughter wanting to fit in because her friend convinced her to do something she shouldn’t have. I’ve explained that although it may not seem fair now, when she is older it will all make sense and she’ll realise that we were only out to protect her because of the love we have for her. Standing out from the crowd and being an individual will always be a better lesson for my children to learn whether that goes for behaviour, fashion, homewares, the car they drive or anything they do with their life. 

We were born an individual. There is no one else like us in the world so why not stand out from the crowd and don’t be a sheep. Don’t be fooled into following trends. It’s harmful on the environment and your wallet. Save your money for an experience and not stuff.

Food clothing shelter

Food, clothing, shelter? I can remember when I started high school, I was so excited that I would be studying Home Economics. It was going to be my favourite and best subject. I so loved cooking, baking, sewing and homemaking as an 11 year old at home and looked forward to learning more at school. One of the very first lessons we learnt in Home Economics was about food, clothing, shelter.

Christmas Dinner – Great Depression

This is all I need. This is all my family needs. We need food and water. That’s a given. Without it we’re dead. Clothing to protect our bodies from the elements, in summer or winter and shelter to further protect us. These are our needs. Anything else really is a want and should be only purchased, budget permitting. This is how I now live my life.I said “what’s that you say?” Food, clothing and shelter? That’s not cooking, baking or sewing! How boring! It’s made more sense than ever since I had a family of my own and trying to make ends meet that this has become my priority when it comes to spending money. If I’m at the shops and feel tempted to buy something that’s not on the budget or I don’t need, I ask myself does it fall into the food, clothing or shelter category.

Stick to your budget

Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing I love more than the delights of an antipasto platter and the temptations of an Italian delicatessen. Just like the siren’s song, this is one of my downfalls and this stuff ain’t cheap. I guess it’s all in moderation though. My grocery budget is tight but sometimes I buy one or two of an ingredient I really like. Cooking everything else from scratch means I only purchase basic pantry ingredients, fruit and vegetables in season and basic cleaning and personal hygiene items.

Clothing

Clothes for everyone are basic. I don’t think I’ve purchased any clothes for my son since he was born (other than school uniforms) because I’ve been fortunate enough to get hand-me-downs from friends. Same with my daughter. I’ve picked up some beautiful ‘girly’ dresses for her from second hand shops and second hand clothes for myself (other than underwear etc).  We only have the basics. Gone are the days when I tell myself that I need an orange top, for example. I guess I try to stay abreast of fashions and styles but try to manage well within my budget and only having what we really need.

Shelter

Our house is a modest 3 bedroom home, with ceiling fans, air conditioning and a nice backyard for the kids. I dream of a home with a pool and large wrap around veranda, but this is our home. Our home would be where ever we all are together, happy, healthy and loving and caring for each other. I prefer to try to keep this one tidy and organised.

Gone are the days when I feel the need to fill my house with matching towels, bed linens, furnishings, matching crockery and cutlery (even though I do have that sort of stuff) but I don’t follow interior design trends. That’s not where I want to spend my money. I don’t feel it’s necessary. All too often some people get caught up in catalogues and junk mail brochures, thinking that they might need some of those home decorator items from Target. Yeah sure. Maybe you do. Maybe that’s where you like to spend your money. But to have a balance, be on top of your finances and be able to provide your family the basic necessities of life, this is an area of spending that you might be able to cut back on.

Avoid the dollar stores

With Valentine’s Day next week, Easter next and every other occasion just around the corner, try to avoid the dollar stores. These are just a money pit, designed to convince you of all the things you need. I know I’ve gone in there for say a pillow protector and came out with more ‘stuff’ than I needed and less money in my purse. I avoid these shops like the plague. Try to make things from recycled items around the house before you think you need to buy up big on Valentine’s themed paper plates or Easter egg hunt baskets.

Keeping in mind your basic needs, that is food, clothing and shelter, this will help you avoid temptation and help save for other areas of your budget that might be lacking. Since having my family, I returned to thinking the way my Nanna would’ve lived. She survived the depression with 3 young children, albeit not as harsh as those photos above but on the land as a dairy farmer’s wife nonetheless. I’m filling my book of life with pages from hers.