Why grandmother's ways are even more relevant in today's world

We live in such a fast paced world. Everyone is busy no matter whether you’re a parent, single, married, a man or a woman. Everyone is busy. When I think back to my grandmother, or even my own mother’s advice, I know why grandmother’s ways are even more relevant in today’s world. Here’s why.

I’m a child of the 60’s born in 1964. I don’t know what life was like before then except for what my parents and grandparents told me. They also used to talk of the days when they were children and how hard times were back then. My grandparents lived through the depression and my Mum and Dad were born in the early 1930s.  I’ve always admired the women in my life for how they got through hard times but when times were good, in my opinion, it was still really hard. I really can’t compare my life because we’ve got it so good today.

Days on the Farm

My mother was raised on a dairy farm so her and her family would get up at sunrise to milk the cows. Nanna would’ve probably been up earlier getting things organised for the day. This could’ve been any time from about 4am onwards. They worked hard back in those days without much automation around for milking. Mum, her sister and her brother all pitched in without even blinking an eyelid. It was their Mum and Dad’s only income. They also did other farming and cleaning chores besides those in the house and went to school, on foot or horseback.

Nanna (and probably Mum, being the eldest), were back early to the house after milking to start preparing a hearty breakfast and other cooking and baking. There were no drive throughs. There was no corner store to run out for bread or milk. Everything had to be planned to have enough food on hand at all times. This is one bit of advice I learnt early on from my mother.

[Tweet “Keep a well stocked pantry and you’ll never run out of anything and always have plenty of food on hand to make delicious meals.”]

Back in those days, they were busy too. Right up until my mother passed away in March 2012, she was always working even if it was in the garden or the house. The only time I remember her doing ‘paid’ work was when we were young and she’d take in babysitting. The children were quite young and we always resented them being there because we were always getting in trouble but they weren’t. (By the way, we’ve grown up with these ‘children’ and some of them have become ‘adopted’ sisters. In fact, one was the Matron of Honour at my recent wedding.) Mum also took in washing, ironing and even cooked an early breakfast at the local horse stables for jockeys and strappers. It wasn’t until we were at high school that Mum did a couple days house cleaning for people but she was still always home by the time we got home from school.

Even when she gave all that away, she was busy. She was still up at 4am, watering her precious orchids and garden, washing, cleaning or onto a job that needed to be done.

My point is, we all say we’re busy but busy doing what? Are we busy contributing to being more house proud? Are we busy thinking about how we can streamline our meal planning to get the most out of the food we buy? Are we busy keeping on top of washing curtains, cleaning windows, cleaning the tracks on sliding windows and doors? I can tell you I’m busy on Facebook and Instagram every day. I can tell you I’m busy working out how I can make money from my website. I can also tell you I’m absolutely flat out trying to schedule and plan everything little thing that my children are doing in and out of school.

So when do we get time to do those things that matter a whole lot more to our ‘home’ and our families? I can tell you now that my children aren’t going to notice, for a second, whether or not I’ve cleaned the sliding door tracks or washed the curtains but I do. Before children I was onto those jobs every couple of months. Since my children came along I was flat out washing my floors once a week. At the end of the day, the people in your home matter more than whether your grout is sparkling white or your tracks are clean but eventually finding the time to clean these seemingly unimportant parts of your home are relatively still important.

So, how do we fit it all in. Let’s face it (no pun intended), Facebook is here to stay and if you are trying to get your business moving, it needs to be done. You also keep in touch with family members who aren’t nearby and other things that are going on in your community. What we need to realise is that we have it so much better than back in our parent’s or grandparent’s day with the modern conveniences we are blessed with compared to their day. It’s all about prioritising and making do with what you have.

Laundry

I can remember my Nanna saying water had to be carted back from a local water source and heated in a ‘copper’ to do the washing. Both my Mother and Grandmother were very particular with their washing and my Mum’s whites were always ‘whiter than white’. We all have an automatic washing machine and/or a clothes dryer. (Just as a side note, I still have my grandmother’s clothes dryer that she bought in the 1970s. I don’t think she used it once and that’s why it’s lasted so long.)

I don’t want to sound like I’m ‘dirty’ or anything but I usually wear the same ‘house’ clothes for a couple days. If it’s really hot and humid, like it normally is in my part of the world, I’ll change my t-shirt daily but other than my underwear, I wear my clothes for a couple days. My grandparent’s and parent’s wardrobes didn’t contain anywhere near as much clothing as what ours do. If the clothes aren’t there, you don’t have to wash them.

My children are shocking for wearing new play clothes every day. As much as I try to monitor it, they’ve gone and put a new outfit on every day after school. Our mothers and grandmothers would wear aprons when they were doing the cooking or cleaning. This protected their clothes. I have a few aprons that I wear when cooking and it saves me having to wash an entire outfit instead of just one apron which I will also try to wear a few times before I put it in the wash.

Same as towels and sheets. You’re clean when you get out of the shower (except in the case of my children) so your towel is only wiping off water. If you have a shower before bed, your sheets will be clean too. I know we shed skin after washing but do we really need to wash our linen often? I couldn’t imagine if I had to cart water every second day just so I kept on top of the washing and someone suggested that you should wash those things once or twice a week. For the record, my washing days are Wednesday and Saturday and that’s been working wonderfully for me.

There was no need for purchasing laundry soakers, stain removers or ‘super dooper’ laundry liquids and powders. The only thing my grandmother used was plain old laundry soap and maybe a bit of whitener in the rinse water. Their clothes were impeccably clean. A good scrub with a brush and soap on any stains should get them out plus you’ve got the added advantage of good agitation in today’s modern washing machines to remove most dirt and grime from the clothing.

Everything was ironed back in those days too because of the natural fibres that were used to make clothes. They hadn’t even invented half the fabrics we have today. I hang most of my clothes on hangers when they’re washed so they can go straight into the wardrobe. I don’t mind ironing though and love my linen tea towels and pillow cases ironed but that’s just a personal preference. If you fold it as soon as it comes out of the clothes dryer or off the clothesline, there’s really no need for ironing these days. A huge time saver.

Cooking

We have electric or gas stoves and ovens, slow cookers, microwaves, toaster ovens, electric frypans, Thermomixes (heaven forbid) that we can use to prepare our food. Takeaway wasn’t even an option in my grandparent’s day and I was 15 years old before I set foot inside a fast food chain hamburger joint.

Imagine if we spent just 15 mins once a week or fortnight (however often you do a grocery shop) and looked at what was in our pantry and added what we needed to our grocery list, just how much more food we could buy for less instead of buying what was on special in the supermarket catalogues and then still buying takeaway because we didn’t plan ahead?

Take that little bit of time to make use of the time saving appliances you do have in your kitchen cupboards and plan ahead what food you’ll be cooking.

Grocery Shopping

If I think of how many supermarkets I have access to within about a 10km radius from my home, you’d just about die laughing. It’s crazy. My grandmother had to go to ‘town’ to buy any pantry staples. And when I say pantry staples, I mean huge bags of flour, sugar, coffee, tea, etc. They had their own chickens for food and eggs. They were lucky in that they were on a working dairy farm so had access to milk, cream and therefore their own homemade butter.

They had cattle and pigs for meat plus grew their own fruit and vegetables that thrived in their area. I can vaguely remember seeing a ‘bread delivery’ truck arrive when I was very young on my Nanna’s farm. That was probably about the only other thing they bought if Nanna didn’t have time to bake bread that day. No deep freezers or fridges in those days either. Everything had to be baked fresh every couple of days and meat was cured so that it would last longer and not go off before use.

Think about the time we waste ‘ducking’ out to the supermarket for that one ingredient. Forget it. Use that time more wisely by using up what you already have. So many ingredients can be substituted for so many things. Forget that recipe altogether and just cook something you have ingredients for. I see a lot of recipes using chocolate candy bars or chocolate coated biscuits, for example. Seriously, I’ve never made them once. A bit of cocoa powder to flavour your cookies or cake with a chocolate flavour or even a few squares of a block of cheap chocolate will suffice. Plain old chocolate and peanut butter can be substituted for Reece’s Peanut Butter cups without you having to buy a whole packet of them just so you can make a Reece’s Peanut Butter Pie that you saw on the internet. Remember, use that time more wisely by using what you already have and save money.

Driving

Both my grandmother and mother never learnt to drive. There was need to back in those days but I’m sure Mum would agree (if she were still alive) that she regrets not learning. I don’t know how she coordinated it all but we never missed a softball training session because she somehow wrangled other people’s Mums to collect us for training if my Dad was at work. If she did drive it would’ve meant having to buy a second car anyway which my Mum and Dad wouldn’t have been able to afford.

In the early days of my previous marriage, we only had one car. I can remember taking the bus to my local shopping centre with my baby girl and doing the grocery shopping. That was also before the days of online grocery shopping. I was lucky that they did offer a $5 delivery service to the elderly and new Mums about 13 years back which I was grateful for. I would also have to walk my daughter, with my son in tow, to Kindy in those days too. We’re very lucky that we live close to both schools and my daughter has no trouble walking to and from high school.

Just remember the extra expense there is with a second car. There’s insurance, maintenance, petrol etc plus the time going out when you really could be at home doing one extra chore that takes about 30 minutes. Don’t get me wrong. The day I turned 17, I was down at the local police station getting my learner’s permit and about 8 weeks later had my driver’s licence and soon after, my first car. You didn’t see me for dust. Now, some weeks I barely go out. It’s been over a week since I was out in my car and even though my husband and I can afford to keep two cars, if you’re struggling there are ways around it.

It amazes me that people say they get bored being at home, that they need to get out. Look around the house, feel proud of your home and try to make it the most comfortable, tidy, warm and inviting home you can. You don’t need to fill it with cheap Asian imported products to do that. Just give it a good, deep clean. And don’t forget, we’ve got all those time saving appliances our grandmothers never had like bagless vacuum cleaners and microfiber cloths.

Information Overload

I mentioned previously that social media has it’s place in our modern society but do we really need all that information? I know I can sometimes overwhelm myself with the number of webinars or courses I’d like to watch. I could spend a whole week watching webinar after webinar, back to back, but is it all really necessary?

Same as all those recipes and crafts. Thank goodness for Pinterest that I can just store it all in there but I don’t think I would ever cook those recipes in my entire lifetime. Thinking back to our grandmother’s days, they had one recipe book and it was usually an exercise book that belonged to their mother or a new one that had all the favourite, most used recipes handed down from generation to generation. That’s all they ate, so that’s all they cooked. If the recipe called for ‘apple’ but all they had were ‘pears’, they used pears. That’s how they learnt to substitute ingredients by using what they had.

Right now I’m looking at the large collection of cookbooks I have and I can guarantee about 75% of them I’ve never cooked a recipe from. I don’t really know why I hold onto them. (In fact, I’m going to be having a huge cookbook cull very soon.) Get yourself a good cookbook with all the basics and add ingredients that are in season and use up what you have. Cookbooks used in high school are the very best and I still have mine and use it often. Spend time with your grandmother and mother writing down some of those favourite recipes from your childhood so you can cook them then pass it down to your children. Ask any of the famous chefs of the world what their favourite recipes are and I’ll guarantee they’ll say it was their Mum’s Sunday roast dinner or their Nanna’s apple pie etc.

Games & Toys

I don’t need to tell those of you with kids what a headache it is to try and encourage your children to get outside and off the handheld devices and video games. I’ve implemented some strict rules of late with great results but it’s been a long road. When I was a child in the 70’s, my mother would save any small tins or cardboard packaging for us to use in a play shop or pretend play house. We spent days, weeks, if not years playing with this stuff.

I can remember my mother telling me that when they killed a cow, they used the stomach lining as a ball that my grandmother would stuff with something or other. I know, a bit gross but it goes to show how ingenious they were at coming up with games and toys for their children to play with instead of just buying something.

Some of the greatest toys my children played with were my saucepans and a wooden spoon. They would sit on the floor and clang away happily while I cooked dinner. What I’m trying to say that don’t feel like you need to buy the latest craze for your children every single time. I also wanted a Barbie doll when I was young. I loved them. My youngest sister got one and I was so envious. I only ever had a “Sindy” doll, which I loved, but it didn’t bother me. I made the most of what I did have and didn’t feel any worse off (well, maybe just a little).

All the kids in the street would get a bike. We didn’t get a bike until we were at least 12 years old. Now most kids have had about 3 or 4 bikes by the time they get to that age. If you’re really interested in saving money, spending quality time with your family and not having a lot of clutter around your home, this is definitely the way to go. There are so many ideas on the internet for making games and toys out of everyday household objects, just like our grandparents did, your children will feel like they’ve got a new toy all the time. You’re saving your hip pocket as well as the environment by doing this.  You’ll also have a lot of extra money to save towards an exciting family holiday for example.

I can also remember my Nanna would save a piece of cardboard from something and glue a pretty picture torn out of a magazine and make a jigsaw puzzle out of it by cutting up the pieces for us to play with when we visited her. I have great memories of those times plus just running around her beautiful garden. She also had an old suitcase she brought out when we were a bit younger. It only ever had lids and plastic jars with a few other household items. Mum eventually got that suitcase when my grandmother passed away and I can remember my children playing with those things. There was always something unusual or interesting to try and put together from that suitcase.

Honestly, your children won’t have memories of every single video game you bought them or plastic Littlest Pet Shop or Ninja Turtle toy that comes on the market. What they’ll remember is the time you spent with them, caring for them and providing that nurturing home environment.

These are just a few of the ways my grandmother and mother had such a huge influence in my life and how I can save so much time and money in today’s busy world. Sure, I’m still going to be spending more time on social media than they would have listening to the radio (in my grandmother’s day) or watching TV (in my mother’s day), but I bet they were doing something else while they were doing that. They would’ve been mending, crocheting, knitting, darning socks, shelling peas or planning tomorrow’s meal.

 

Happy Mother's Day #mumstheword #motheringwithheartandjoy

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mums who are celebrating today. As much as this is a time of reflection for me, having lost both my mother and, more recently my beloved mother-in-law, it’s very much a time of reflection for me and how far I’ve come in my mothering journey. I guess the best way for me to know I’ve done okay is to look at my children now, how they’re growing up and how they act in society. 

One thing I know for sure, I know how to mother my own children. That is it! I don’t know how to mother your children or anyone else’s. That’s your job and we all do it to the best of our abilities. I know, right from the start, I found mothering very difficult. I set myself such high expectations on how easy it was going to be and how well I was going to do. Nothing could be more further from the truth. My daughter had colic and that was a terrible time for me and her. I wanted to keep my house looking spotless and be a mother to my children but I couldn’t do it. I felt I was having a nervous breakdown. I got help from the nurses and social workers from my local Maternal Child Health Centre and they taught me to mother first and not worry about anything else. From that point on, I focused on my children first and still do to this day.

That’s what my mother did. Even though, at times during my life, my mother annoyed the heck out of me but I always held her in the highest regard. Not until I was a mother myself did I realise just how much she sacrificed and did for me and my two sisters. She always put us first. She never complained and always spoke highly of us. There were probably times she whined to her sister or neighbours about our poor behaviour because there was plenty of that but she never spoke down about us.

All too often, in this modern age of social media, mums are quick to share how hard being a mum is and how poorly behaved their children are. I’m not denying that my children aren’t perfect but I don’t publicly shame them on social media. The thing we have to keep in mind is that social media will be around for a long time and once those words are out there, they’ll be there for eternity. Could you imagine how demoralising it would be for your child, someone who holds you in the highest regard, to see those words in years to come?

[Tweet “#HappyMothersDay #mumstheword #motheringwithheartandjoy Cherish your children and only speak kindly of them. @modernwifelife31”]

One thing we know for sure, mothering and parenting is hard. That’s what it is. It’s challenging, tiring, never ending, exhausting, frustrating and the children can be downright annoying at times. But on the other hand, it is the most rewarding, pleasing, loving, honourable and privileged job in the world. No child deserves to be publicly shamed on the interwebs whether that’s through social media, blogging or even the spoken word. There seems to be a universal language between Mums, well, those who are honest anyway, that we’re all going through the same things and fighting the same battles with our children every day. Let’s support each other and lift each other up. Let’s discover ways how we can work through them so we raise kind, loving children. Not children who are spiteful, regretful, disappointed and ashamed. It’s not funny and your adult children won’t find it funny.

This Mother’s Day I’m teaming up with my lovely blogging pal here in Australia Belinda from Modern Wife Life 31, herself a mother of a beautiful 2 year old little girl, who herself has struggled with trying to conceive and like me, knows how hard it is to fall pregnant, hold on to a baby and deliver that baby to full term. We are both truly blessed to have living, breathing children who we can hold, love and cherish. We’re hosting a linky party where you can share your stories of motherhood, stories of your mother or your positive experiences on being a Mum. 

Let’s keep the bad words to ourselves, only speak highly of your children and remember that “mud sticks”. Once the written word is out there, it’s hard to take it back. Remember that mothering is hard, end of story. That’s what it is. Your children will only be with your for such a short time. My daughter is 12 years old this year and I can’t believe it. She goes to high school next year and already I can feel her starting to slip away from my cuddles and long talks. She’ll be gone and living as an adult quicker than the blink of the eye and in all my hopes and dreams, all I can say is I did my best raising her, that she will become a decent human being and that she’ll never have to worry about reading any bad things I’ve said about her on social media in years to come. So, today and every day #mumstheword when it keeps to airing our grievances about our children. Let’s keep these negative thoughts to ourselves and make #motheringwithheartandjoy our focus.

Thank you for linking up and I hope you all enjoy your Mother’s Day.

An InLinkz Link-up

Happy birthday Mum

Mum aged about 3

Dear Mum

Today you would’ve turned 81 years of age.

I still can’t get used to the fact that you’re not here anymore.

I feel like you’re away on one of your ‘trips’ and will be back soon.

I’ve got so much to tell you.

I’ve been waiting for that phone call you make this time every year asking “what are we doing for Christmas?” and it hasn’t come.

I miss you. The kids miss you. The dogs miss you. Your neighbours, friends and family miss you.

How does one go on with life when the person who gave you life and was always their ‘soft place to fall’ isn’t here anymore?

Mum in her late teens

I’m doing okay I guess. If I didn’t have the kids I think I’d be a little lost and have more time to think about you. They certainly keep me busy.

I just can’t believe my whole way of life has changed. I don’t

http://bellalunawitches.com/event/5349

know how to create a new life without you in it. Its made me grow up, finally. With no parents alive anymore, I’m it. I’m the eldest. I’m the backstop. I’m lucky I’ve still got two sisters, an aunt and and uncle to still lean on. But I know you’re still with me in spirit. I’ve received all those ‘messages’ of wisdom you’ve been sending me. You always make everything so clear.

Mum with a cousin in her late teens

I’ll never get over you not being here but I hope you’ll stick around and guide me through my tough times. I’m so grateful that you did share your wisdom with me while you were here on earth. I wouldn’t be where I am today without it.

So, in true style, I’ll celebrate your birthday today as we usually did, with a cup of coffee and a piece of cake somewhere and I’ll remember you. Happy birthday!

x

This is the blog post

“When we feel stuck, going nowhere — even starting to slip backward —

we may actually be backing up to get a running start.”
— Dan Millman

This is the blog post I’ve been thinking about writing for the last 6 months. It’s been playing on my mind so much during this time and every time I go to write it, I receive words of encouragement or great comments about a recipe I posted or words I’ve written. It’s time to have a break from the blog.

I could say its because not a day’s gone by when I don’t grieve for the loss of my mother. Her birthday is coming up on the 12th of October and I think of nothing else.

I could say its because not a day’s gone by when I don’t grieve for the loss of my marriage. After 40 odd years of wishing to be married with children and have it gone is very hard to deal with. Its time to start making new dreams.

I could say its because I put myself under so much pressure with blogging and social media. I sometimes forget how to live a ‘real life’. A life where I don’t want to have to think about whether someone wants to see the cup of coffee I ordered in a coffee shop or hear about the stew I made for dinner or the crazy things my kids have been up to. Worrying about whether or not I’ve shared everything I do on social media consumes me some days. I’ve realised there are millions of people out in the world who don’t have a Facebook, Twitter or Instagram account. I’m going to be one of them again.

I could say its because I’m seeing my kid’s lives flash before my eyes and I feel like I’m not enjoying every precious moment with them or being there for them.

I could say its because I’ve got two birthdays coming up in November and Christmas without Mum or a husband.

I could say its because of the legal stuff that’s coming up from the marriage break down and Mum’s estate.

I could say its because of wanting to get my house decorated and my garden in tip top condition.

I could say its because of the 1,000 lessons I need to teach my children to help them be good and capalable citizens of the world.

I could say its because in order to keep receiving the small amount of money the Australian government gives single parents, I have to either work or study for at least 15 hours per week when my youngest child turns 6 (which is November). What does a 48 year old Mum, who thought her days of outside work were over, do? I’m going to find out.

I could say its because of the state of my mental health. Instead of getting better I sometimes feel like I’m worse and all the ‘stuff’ I have mentioned above is not allowing me to heal. The panic attack I had on Friday night was my wake up call.

I figured this is the last day of the month. Tomorrow is the 1st. The first of a new way of life for me.

To all the friends I’ve made along the way, I couldn’t have nor wouldn’t have done this without you. You are all so close to me and I will continue to stay in touch with you via your blogs. Just because I’m not blogging doesn’t mean that I won’t stop reading them. That’s how I got started. I love to read blogs and those regulars I read, your friendship means the world to me. The only other social media platform I’ll continue to use is Pinterest. That’s where I’ve stored all my favourite projects I intend on starting.

I’m giving myself at least 6 months to get my life in order, my dreams created, my physical and mental health back and my precious, sweet children my 100% devotion.

Thank you and all my love to you. xx