What is "domesblissity"?

You may have heard of the term “domestic bliss” which means something like happiness in the home or finding joy in home duties. Somewhere along the line I think we’ve lost the art of making our homes a place of comfort and peace for the benefit of our families and rather making our home a show piece or copy what others have done in their homes. So how do you find domestic bliss and what is domesblissity?

 

Origins of Domesblissity

If you haven’t put two and two together yet, you’ll realise that the name of my website and what I do here, that is educate people about the joys of home living and how to achieve it, is derived from the words domestic bliss.

Prior to the start of 2011, I had read a couple blogs. I didn’t have much time for such things with my children being quite young so using the internet was a real indulgence. I thought I’d use my time wisely and browse for interesting things to read.

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Two blogs that caught my eye were Down to Earth by Rhonda Hetzel and I Heart Organizing by Jennifer Jones. I used to find it relaxing and rewarding to read these two websites because I found I was exactly like them. Even though I lived a rich life by working and paying my way, I always found frugal ways of living just like my mother and grandmothers had taught me.

I was always an extremely organised person too so could totally relate to the posts Jen shared about organising. I started to think about creating my own blog (my first post was my ANZAC Biscuits recipe), now that I knew what one was and share my journey and the way that I lived with two young children so when they grew up they had something to refer to if and when they left home.

From that point on and over 1,400 posts later, I gained a few followers and the rest is history. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed sharing my recipes, my craft projects and my way of life for many years that I turned it into a face to face professional organising business and online learning resource back in January 2017.

What does it actually mean?

When I was deciding on a name for my blog, I wanted it to sum up my way of life. If you asked me how my life was back then (and pretty much still is), it was hectic. I was a busy stay at home mum with two young children, only one income coming in from my now ex husband and making ends meet.

What I aimed to achieve every day regardless of the type of day I was having was domestic bliss. I played around with a few words and domesblissity was born.

It means achieving that warmth and coziness of home. That balance of comfort and order. There’s no denying being a parent can cause so much stress at home. There’s food to cook, the house to clean, washing to do and the endless parenting duties at every single milestone your child reaches.

Even though it was stressful most days, the main thing I tried to achieve each day was domesblissity. Freshly cooked, homemade food, clean clothes to wear and maintaining a roof over our heads. Even though we lost quite a bit of money coming in when I quit work to be at home with my family, I could still maintain that easier, simple way of life because I’d lived it all my life.

I didn’t have to worry about fancy decor or interior styles. I didn’t have to worry about the latest fashions or brand names and if I did need new clothes for anyone, I bought them secondhand from the thrift stores (something I’d done all my life). I had quite the wardrobe when I worked. A lot of hand made clothes but also designer labels at a fraction of the cost (not that I was impressed by designer labels but they usually lasted a lot longer than commercially, mass produced clothing).

I learnt to cook when I was 8 years old and it basically made me prepared to be able to cook anything from nothing which is very handy when you are on a strict budget and ultimately have the fussiest daughter in the world.

What does “domesblissity” feel like?

Domesblissity is definitely a feeling. It’s that feeling that home should be. It’s that feeling you have when you’ve just come back from holidays and you can’t wait to get home.

It’s that feeling you had when you used to visit your grandparents as a child and there’d be freshly baked goods coming out of the oven and a big family meal for lunch, unbuttoning your pants at the end of it because you ate too much.

It’s that feeling of warmth when after a cold blistery day outside at school or work, you’d come home to the warmth of the home and a large hot cup of tea and a cookie or hot pancakes. Something my mother would have for us after a rainy day.

It’s a feeling of being away in hospital, in an uncomfortable bed when all you’re longing for is the routine of home life. The hot coffee in the morning, getting the children off to school, going about your daily routine of household chores, hanging the washing in the sun, bringing it in to fold. Preparing the evening meal, talking about your day and having a few good laughs.

Domesblissity is all of those things. It’s that feeling of home life that makes us who we are as adults.

It’s not about the decor. It’s not about the latest knick knacks everyone is buying from the discount variety stores. It’s not about the latest must haves. It’s about that feeling that can’t be described but it sums up what home life is.

Along the way

You know the saying “life wasn’t meant to be easy”? Well that couldn’t have been more true than when my marriage broke down in the January of 2012 and then 3 months later my mother passed away. Boy, was that a shock to the system.

It involved 2 years of intensive psychotherapy but all the while, I still maintained domesblissity for the sake of my children and my home. The house may not have been as organised as I would’ve liked because I was going through so much but eventually it got back to how I wanted it after I started to feel better about things.

Life will always throw you curve balls. Having a baby will be a big shock to your home life and adjustments will need to be made. This is the time to not worry about the state of your home so much but rather looking after your newborn baby and yourself. As your child grows, you’ll find you’ll get back to an organised home.

It’s about finding that balance or domesblissity.

How to find “domesblissity” in your life

There’s really only 3 simple steps to follow if you want to achieve domesblissity in your life. They are:

• Simplify your lifestyle: This includes removing or decluttering everything in your home that doesn’t serve a purpose. Remember the less you have, the less you have to clean and organise.
• Love who is in your home, not what: Don’t concentrate on following the latest bloggers or social media influencers who are telling you and showing you their latest purchases to make you feel like you’re missing out. Don’t worry about the way your home looks. Just concentrate on trying to make it comfortable and cosy for you and your family.
• Be grateful: Be grateful for everything that you have. If you have food on your table, clothes to wear and a roof over your head, you’re very lucky. It’s a privilege denied to many, sometimes due to circumstances out of their control. Appreciate all the small things in your home.

For more information

If you’d like to find out about how I manage to make ends meet, read some of the recipes I cook or anything else that will help you find domesblissity in your home, click on the Resources section above.

You can always contact me if you would like me to help you manage your home, either face to face or online. I want as many people in the world to know this joy I have found in my home which really hasn’t cost me a cent.

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How to love your job as a homemaker

I hear it and see it all the time. “I wish I had a cleaning fairy.” “I wish I had a housekeeper for a year.” “I wish everyone would keep this house clean and tidy.” We all wish for those things but unfortunately it doesn’t happen. It’s up to you and your family to do those things. But you can do this quite easily and learn how to love your job as a homemaker in your home. Here’s how.

 

Love the home you’re in

When we start thinking about wanting a different home, a larger home, one with more storage, one that faces north east, for example, we immediately build up negative thoughts towards our home.

Learning to love the home you’re in you will begin to see your home in another light. You’ll want to keep it clean and tidy. You’ll want to keep it to a standard you can manage.

Declutter and organise

You’ve heard that saying “can’t see the forest for the trees”? Well the same applies to your home. Maybe you’ve just got too much stuff. If it’s not being used or doesn’t serve a purpose, get rid of it. Donate or sell unwanted items and give yourself plenty of room to move.

There’ll be less to organise and keep clean. It doesn’t all have to be done yesterday. Tackle one room at a time, one shelf/drawer at a time. Once you have a clear view of every room in your house, you’ll want to keep it that way and it will be easier.

Create routines

Rather than scheduling days for washing the floors, dusting, vacuuming etc, set up routines as part of your normal day. I call this clean as you go. It won’t feel like you’re doing housework. It’s just a matter of a quick wipe of the vanity basin after you’ve brushed your teeth or a quick clean up of the kitchen after the evening meal’s dishes have been done.

Lower your expectations

Let’s be realistic. If you’ve got children, are working full time or just get too overwhelmed sometimes, lower your expectations. This is your home, your rules. You take care of yourself and your family first.

Just do the basics and try to turn a blind eye to those little jobs you know need doing. Being someone who was very OCD before children, it took me a lot of work to ‘let things go’. I knew that I had to take care of my children as a priority.

As they have become older, they are now doing their share of the housework and it gives me time to get on top of those little jobs I used to let go. The time will come again for you but while they’re little, focus on them, and you!

Define your values

If you really want your home to be kept to a certain standard, then define what that means to you.

When you say “I wish my home was always tidy” does that mean “I wish the beds were made, the floors were clean, the kid’s toys weren’t on the floor, there weren’t dirty dishes in the sink etc”.

If having a tidy home means these things, factor time in your day to just do that. Create a routine, for example, for the above:

• make the bed as soon as you get up in the morning
• after the kids are at school or at a time that’s convenient for you, vacuum and/or wash the floors (find products that will make light work of this if this is important to you)
• put appropriate storage options where your kids play with their toys and get them to tidy up before they move onto the next activity
• fill the sink with water at the start of your meal (ie breakfast, lunch or dinner) and wash the dishes as soon as you’ve finished eating, or alternatively, stack the dishwasher and run last thing at night.

Whatever your values or ‘expectations’ are, you’ll find a way to make those things happen and you won’t have to worry about wanting a “house cleaning fairy” to fix your home. You’ll be on top of it and will be loving your home, just the way it is.

Identifying hot spots in your home, ie areas that are likely to become messy quickly and proving storage solutions for those areas will give your home a tidy appearance at all times.

Be proud of your efforts

We’re all human. We all have things come up. We get sick, the children get sick, family members get sick, it’s too hot, it’s too cold, whatever the reason, be proud of the work you do in the home, no matter how big or small.

Be proud that you’re doing a fantastic job and know that everyone in your home is appreciative of the work you do. They may not tell you but if they’re happy, content and comfortable, you’ve done your job and you’ve done it well.

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If you really want to have a tidy home, if that’s your priority and you’ve defined your level of cleanliness, prioritise those jobs that will keep your home this way. You are amazing. You’re doing a thankless job as the mother and homemaker of your home and you can only do so much. Love who is in the home over the state of your home and you’ll soon see that you’ll want to make more of an effort in keeping your home just the way you want.

 

6 ways to love your home just the way it is

But why? “I don’t like my home at all”, I hear people say. “It’s too [small/big/tired/not enough storage] etc etc”. So what can you do about it? Go into debt for a larger home? Work two jobs to pay for the mortgage (and the extra daycare fees you’ll now have to pay.) If you can, try these 6 ways to love your home, just the way it is.

Think about the structure of the house

I don’t mean about the architecture or anything too technical. I’m talking about the roof, the walls and the floors.

The roof protects you and your family from the rain, heat and/or snow. It provides protection from the elements. Imagine yourself without it.

Same goes for the walls. It provides rooms for family members to sleep in. It provides a kitchen area to prepare food to nourish your family. It provides a warm cosy environment to snuggle up together and interact as a family. The floors protect your feet from the heat or the cold.

Think about how those four walls, roof and floors are protecting you and what the alternative might be if you didn’t have them.

Be grateful

We make a decision to buy or rent the dwelling that we reside in. Whether that’s because it’s in our budget or it could be the location to your work or your family’s schools and activities.

To be grateful for that opportunity, that is denied to many, is a good way to remember just how lucky you are. Many people have life’s misfortunes thrown at them and their only option is to pack up what they can and most often, become homeless.

Live within your means and be grateful for what you have. If you choose to upgrade for whatever reason, that’s fine but be sure that you can afford it, in particular, in case an emergency ever arose.

When my (now ex) husband left, I was left in our home with 2 children and a mortgage with all the bills. There was no child support organised by then and I didn’t have a clue about what welfare was available to me. All that sort of thing takes time but tell that to the bank who’s demanding their mortgage payment.

Of course, you can get your payments deferred for a couple weeks but never live beyond your means. You just never know what’s around the corner. Sickness could strike the main ‘bread winner’, relationships break down or anything for that matter.

“Stuff” doesn’t make the house a home

Don’t think that by buying new stuff and bringing it into the house will make you love it more. All it will do is bring more clutter in.

Shop from the decor you already have in your home to redecorate a space. Use children’s artwork to decorate a wall or a family photo. Cut fresh greenery from the garden and put in a vase. Make your own rugs, cushions or other decor items that your family will cherish and you’ll feel proud of your efforts in creating that special look that is individual and your own.

If you are looking at changing the decor, look at secondhand stores or online garage sales for what you’re looking for. I got nearly all of my living room and dining area furniture for FREE!  I’m not a charity case but people were updating their own homes so I said I’d take it. It’s perfectly functional and suits my home. Freecycle.org is a great place to look out for free furniture if you want to update that tired lounge or you’re moving your baby from a cot to a bed.

As long as it’s functional and creates a sense of comfort and coziness, save your money for experiences not stuff.

Focus on the good

If I dwelled on it too much, I probably wouldn’t want to live in my current home because of the bad memories of my failed marriage. I don’t focus on that. I focus on how my house is providing shelter for my family, who in fact, first came here from the hospital when they were born.

I have two pet dogs and two pet Cockateils and they’re very much members of our family too. They’ve been here as long as I have and it’s very much their home as much as it is mine. They’ve given me so much unconditional love.

I’ve seen the children take their first steps in this house. It’s where they played for hours in the backyard. It’s where I’ve lovingly prepared food for them, burped them, cuddled them, sang songs and read to them. By focusing on who is in the home instead of what, you’ll find that you’ll be able to remember the good times you’ve had in your home.

It’s your home, not anyone else’s

Don’t live up to anyone else’s expectations. If people want to judge your decor, your furniture or your style, let them. They don’t live there, you do. I take great pride in my home but sometimes things come up and you haven’t had time to do the dishes or sweep the floor.

If anyone wants to judge me for not getting that done on their arrival, that’s their prerogative to do so. I don’t have any say in what or how they think. No one knows what went on an hour or two before their arrival. You don’t have to explain either. As long as you’re welcoming and inviting, be cordial and a good host when your guests arrive, that’s all you need to worry about. Those people are there to see you not your home.

Create peace in your home

With those two children of mine, plus the dogs and the birds, sometimes things are a little crazy. There’s the rush to get the children ready for school. The rush when they get home. And it’s been like that since they’ve been born.

We have rules in the home where there’s no yelling (even though it does happen and that’s normal). If you can’t say what you want in a calm voice, then don’t say it at all. We like to laugh and joke. We love cuddles on the couch while watching TV and have religiously had ‘movie night’ every Saturday night since the children were about 2 years old. They love it.

By creating a peacful, harmonious atmosphere in your home, everyone will learn to love it and it will be their ‘safe’ place to be.

Who doesn’t love going away for a holiday? I know I do and when my husband proposed to me back in 2015, we enjoyed a lovely 4 day getaway with all the creature comforts in a 5 star resort. There were duck down feather pillows, room service, 5 star buffet breakfast, beautiful gardens and swimming pools surrounding the resort. BUT, I couldn’t wait to get home. I couldn’t wait to get home to see the children, the pets, feel the comfort of my own bed and my own four walls.

Even if you’ve ever been out of the country. There’s no other feeling like coming home.

If you’ve got the room, create peaceful zones where you can get away from it all even if it’s just to enjoy a cup of tea or read a book. It could be as simple as a couple extra cushions on the bed, a nice comfy chair in the garden or a sun lounge on the verandah. Make it available for everyone in the home to enjoy as a way of escaping within the 4 walls of the home.

Heighten the senses

By cultivating your five senses, that is sight, smell, sound, touch and taste, you’ll naturally increase your potential for enjoying life.

Sight

Hang family member’s artwork or photographs on the wall. It will help you remember the time when they drew that picture or the photo was taken.

Keep your home clean and tidy, to a level you can manage, so it is welcoming for the whole family. Keep on top of clutter and find a home for everything.

Smell

Nothing creates better memories than the smell of a home cooked meal or home baking. You all know how lovely it is to smell bread baking at the bakery? Cook from scratch as much as you can.

Enjoy natural scents and smells, not commercial home scents by burning or diffusing essential oils. Fresh flowers also provide a natural scent to heighten your sense of smell.

Sound

Get the family used to listening to music. Dance if you want to. Meditate or relax. Get away from electronics and the television and listen to each talk. Sticking with everyone eating their meals at the dinner table and talking about your day or what you’re grateful for is a great way to encourage the sound of laughter and love in your home.

Have regular family movie nights or game nights. Get everyone involved in the set up and pack away. They’ll be memories your family will hold dear for a long time.

Touch

Use natural fabrics in the home for soft furnishings. Nothing invokes comfort like the feel of a warm rug or cosy quilt on a cold night. The human touch is so comforting as well so make time for plenty of hugs and cuddles with family members. This will create wonderful memories for your children that they will remember their childhood as being a comfortable, safe place to be and they were loved and always comforted when needed.

If you’re lucky enough to have a backyard, take your shoes off and walk on the grass. Lie on the grass. Pull out a few weeds and plant some plants in the garden. Care for them and watch them grow. The outside of your home is just as important as the inside.

Taste

Just like I mentioned above in smell, nothing heightens the sense of taste more than the taste of a home cooked meal. We all have wonderful memories of our favourite family meals from our childhood.

Find out your family’s favourite meals and make them often. Even into our twenties, my sisters and I still loved going to Mum and Dad’s on a Sunday night for a roast dinner. It brought us together at a time when, as adults ourselves, we were always busy.

Enjoy the home you’re in. Be happy and grateful for what you have. If you want bigger, get it but be aware of living beyond your means. Really, at the end of the day, I would be happy no matter where I lived as long as I was living with the people I do now.

Happy 1st Wedding Anniversary

This time, exactly one year ago today, I said “I do” to the most amazing man. The man of my dreams. I know it sounds cliche but he really is. I’ve always been so envious of women who say they married a good one. I somehow always seemed to meeting ‘kinda okay’ guys and still stayed in a relationship with them even though, deep down, I knew they weren’t the right ones for me. But I can honestly say, this one is definitely the right one for me.

To my darling husband Damien:

• Thank you for coming into my life.
• Thank you for being so kind and generous.
• Thank you for always putting me first.
• Thank you for taking on living with my kids.
• Thank you for being a great step Dad.
• Thank you for being a dog lover and being so wonderful to my dogs.
• Thank you for all that you do for our family.
• Thank you for looking after me when I’m sick.
• Thank you for always thinking of me.
• Thank you for loving me.
• Thank you for all the things you do around the house.
• Thank you for being so clean and tidy.
• Thank you for letting me watch those cooking shows (even though I know you like them now too).
• Thank you for always telling me how much you love the food I cook.
• Thank you for telling me how much you love me and how grateful you that I’m in your life.
• Thank you for always getting me nice things.
• Thank you for being frugal, just like me.
• Thank you for the pet names we call each other.
• Thank you for always wanting the best for me.
• Thank you for being my best friend.
• Thank you for picking me up when I’m down.
• Thank you for being a good listener.
• Thank you for being you.

Even though we’ve only been married for a year, it feels like we’ve been married for so much longer and been together for ages. It really does pay to live one day at a time and not look too far into the future. You can concentrate on each other for just that day and not worry about anything else.

I love you my darling! Happy 1st anniversary!