The post about my daughter who won't eat

My daughter aged 3

I've been wanting to write this post for ages, for nearly 9 years in fact, but I really couldn't think of an appropriate title. My 'fussy' or 'picky' daughter just didn't fit. For 9 years my daughter just hasn't eaten. I have read soooo many books, web sites and blogs about hiding your vegies in food, family friendly meals, how to get picky eaters to eat, blah blah blah and let me tell you, absolutely nothing works.

From about the age of 2 years old, she started to get a bit fussy, like all kids do I guess. They've gained new found independence or they just don't like the taste or texture of certain foods so they refuse them. Not my daughter. She just plainly refused to eat the food I served. On visits to the Maternal & Child Health Nurse at her regular check ups, the nurse would tell me to make finger foods or make it crunchy or again, blah blah blah. Nothing worked. Over the years I have read and tried absolutely everything there is to try on getting a child to eat.

Aged 9 with her brother and her favourite food, hot chips

Coming from a family who ate everything (even though I was, and still am, fussy towards runny eggs) we just didn't leave the table until our dinner was eaten but we were pretty lucky that we ate everything. I can remember sitting in the kitchen in the dark with stone cold choko on my plate but I eventually ate it. We tried sending her to bed with nothing, serving it up to for breakfast, lunch or dinner the following day, not giving her anything else, never making a fuss, getting her to pick things out to try at the supermarket. You name it. We tried EVERYTHING!

Just last year I was at my wit's end only because I worried about her nutrition at 10 years of age. We took her to a pediatrician and then subsequently a child psychologist. This doctor got her to eat almonds, baby spinach and hummous. So there! How did you think it made me feel? When she goes to her father's now she eats vegetables that are on the list written on the fridge but she won't eat them at home. She has even eaten a sausage roll and a hamburger with her father but not with me. Think of it as her last act of defiance with me and you might have a better understanding of why she won't eat for me. She's a very clever girl and quite clearly understands the meaning of nutritional value with certain foods but she just won't eat them. She says it makes her 'sick' so she doesn't eat them.

Aged 10

I gave up reacting to her defiance years ago so I don't know why she continues to do it. Yes, she's stubborn and maybe all I can hope for is that she will eat normal foods one day but boy, it does make it hard at meal times. I've been cooking the same food for everyone for years now and she just refuses to eat it and goes to bed hungry. She's not over or under weight and quite healthy, from what we can gather. It's not even a matter of what she won't eat because if you can name it, she won't eat it. We've made some tremendous progress over the years with her moving on from chicken nuggets to actual real chicken for example. Here is a list of guaranteed foods she will eat:

• hot chips (always hot chips) or my homemade potato wedges which I try to include in every meal
• white or wholemeal bread
• butter
• Vegemite
• cheese
• apples
• bananas (with not a bit of black on them)
• chicken
• crumbed chicken
• broccoli, carrot and corn
• potato crisps
• lollies (of course with the lollies, which is once a fortnight movie night thing)
• popcorn
• gravy
• some cookies and very rarely cake
• cracker biscuits
• plain pasta (after a long drawn out process)
• plain rice
• plain white fish
• ice cream and ice blocks

She's never eaten nuts, sauces, spreads or all the other things kids normally like. Her brother is a fantastic eater. He might fuss over a piece of capsicum in his dish and I'm happy with that. It's just when she flat out refuses to eat. Not a lot in that list to choose from. I've got quite a lot of friends who have children with the same issues and its been diagnosed as having some sort of sensory processing disorder. My daughter wasn't diagnosed with anything other than she's a bit 'quirky'. Quirky alright! I think is all that bad karma coming to get me from all the bad things I did all my life.

Up until aged 2, she ate everything

It's always a work in process. People who eat with us just can't believe what she's like but I just thought I'd share it here on the blog as basically a record for her and also that all these delicious meals I make and things I bake are for me, Damien and my son. She gets some on her plate but it's thrown in the bin. I really feel for you if you have children the same. If you'd like to comment, I'd so appreciate some advice but I'm sure anything you tell me has already been tried. All I can hope for is that one day she will eat and learn to enjoy food.

The post about my daughter who won't eat

My daughter aged 3

I’ve been wanting to write this post for ages, for nearly 9 years in fact, but I really couldn’t think of an appropriate title. My ‘fussy’ or ‘picky’ daughter just didn’t fit. For 9 years my daughter just hasn’t eaten. I have read soooo many books, web sites and blogs about hiding your vegies in food, family friendly meals, how to get picky eaters to eat, blah blah blah and let me tell you, absolutely nothing works.

From about the age of 2 years old, she started to get a bit fussy, like all kids do I guess. They’ve gained new found independence or they just don’t like the taste or texture of certain foods so they refuse them. Not my daughter. She just plainly refused to eat the food I served. On visits to the Maternal & Child Health Nurse at her regular check ups, the nurse would tell me to make finger foods or make it crunchy or again, blah blah blah. Nothing worked. Over the years I have read and tried absolutely everything there is to try on getting a child to eat.

Aged 9 with her brother and her favourite food, hot chips

Coming from a family who ate everything (even though I was, and still am, fussy towards runny eggs) we just didn’t leave the table until our dinner was eaten but we were pretty lucky that we ate everything. I can remember sitting in the kitchen in the dark with stone cold choko on my plate but I eventually ate it. We tried sending her to bed with nothing, serving it up to for breakfast, lunch or dinner the following day, not giving her anything else, never making a fuss, getting her to pick things out to try at the supermarket. You name it. We tried EVERYTHING!

Just last year I was at my wit’s end only because I worried about her nutrition at 10 years of age. We took her to a pediatrician and then subsequently a child psychologist. This doctor got her to eat almonds, baby spinach and hummous. So there! How did you think it made me feel? When she goes to her father’s now she eats vegetables that are on the list written on the fridge but she won’t eat them at home. She has even eaten a sausage roll and a hamburger with her father but not with me. Think of it as her last act of defiance with me and you might have a better understanding of why she won’t eat for me. She’s a very clever girl and quite clearly understands the meaning of nutritional value with certain foods but she just won’t eat them. She says it makes her ‘sick’ so she doesn’t eat them.

Aged 10

I gave up reacting to her defiance years ago so I don’t know why she continues to do it. Yes, she’s stubborn and maybe all I can hope for is that she will eat normal foods one day but boy, it does make it hard at meal times. I’ve been cooking the same food for everyone for years now and she just refuses to eat it and goes to bed hungry. She’s not over or under weight and quite healthy, from what we can gather. It’s not even a matter of what she won’t eat because if you can name it, she won’t eat it. We’ve made some tremendous progress over the years with her moving on from chicken nuggets to actual real chicken for example. Here is a list of guaranteed foods she will eat:

• hot chips (always hot chips) or my homemade potato wedges which I try to include in every meal
• white or wholemeal bread
• butter
• Vegemite
• cheese
• apples
• bananas (with not a bit of black on them)
• chicken
• crumbed chicken
• broccoli, carrot and corn
• potato crisps
• lollies (of course with the lollies, which is once a fortnight movie night thing)
• popcorn
• gravy
• some cookies and very rarely cake
• cracker biscuits
• plain pasta (after a long drawn out process)
• plain rice
• plain white fish
• ice cream and ice blocks

She’s never eaten nuts, sauces, spreads or all the other things kids normally like. Her brother is a fantastic eater. He might fuss over a piece of capsicum in his dish and I’m happy with that. It’s just when she flat out refuses to eat. Not a lot in that list to choose from. I’ve got quite a lot of friends who have children with the same issues and its been diagnosed as having some sort of sensory processing disorder. My daughter wasn’t diagnosed with anything other than she’s a bit ‘quirky’. Quirky alright! I think is all that bad karma coming to get me from all the bad things I did all my life.

Up until aged 2, she ate everything

It’s always a work in process. People who eat with us just can’t believe what she’s like but I just thought I’d share it here on the blog as basically a record for her and also that all these delicious meals I make and things I bake are for me, Damien and my son. She gets some on her plate but it’s thrown in the bin. I really feel for you if you have children the same. If you’d like to comment, I’d so appreciate some advice but I’m sure anything you tell me has already been tried. All I can hope for is that one day she will eat and learn to enjoy food.

Crispy Satay Crackles

Growing up as a young child in Australia, if you mentioned the words "birthday party" you would be sure to be served up Chocolate Crackles (Rice Krispy Treats I think they're called in the US). They are one of my most favourite memories of birthday parties as a child. I thought I'd try a savoury take on them with these Crispy Satay Crackles made with Healtheries Rice Wheels.

Rice Wheels are my children's most favourite lunch box snack. They are a miniature rice cake flavoured with either Burger, Chicken or Cheese flavouring. The best part about them is they have 65% less fat than regular potato chips, are gluten free and contain no preservatives, no artificial colours or flavours and no added MSG.

To get started, I used just two small packets of the Rice Wheels and put them into a ziplock bag and beat with a wooden rolling pin until just crushed.  Then add a quarter cup of shredded coconut. Desiccated coconut will do.

Next, in a saucepan over low heat, melt a quarter cup of peanut butter, one tablespoon of barbecue sauce and 2 tablespoons of butter. I used a peanut butter flavoured with honey so if you're after a bit of extra sweetness, add a tablespoon of honey to the saucepan. Add to the dry mixture and mix thoroughly.

Line a mini muffin pan with plastic wrap and spoon the mixture in. You could line the muffin pan with cupcake papers but I just find that's just one more thing I have to pick up and throw into the rubbish bin!

This recipe made one dozen mini Crispy Satay Crackles. You could use a normal sized muffin pan to make them larger. I kind of like this smaller size for little fingers and mouths. And let's not just think about the kids. These are perfect for us grown ups when entertaining. They'd go perfect with a drink, just in time for the festive season.

They had all the flavours of a Malaysian satay with peanut butter and coconut with an extra crunch.

My official taste tester gave me yet another thumbs up. (He does love his Mum's cooking, unlike his fussy sister.)

These Crispy Satay Crackles are the third and final entry of mine into the Healtheries #Snackosphere challenge. You can check out my previous two entries below.

Baked "Potato Curls" crumbed Chicken Strips

Ham & Cream Cheese "grissini style" Potato Sticks

Thanks to Healtheries and Kidspot, I am now in the draw to possibly win in excess of $10,000 worth of prizes. Wish me luck! I hope you try some of these recipes. I don't know about your kids but mine seem to have developed a 'bottom less' pit in their stomach and I'm always looking for ways to extend what I already have in the cupboard. Having a few packs of any of the Healtheries snacks on board will hopefully keep those kid's hunger pangs away. If not, they are the best thing to add to an already nutritious lunch box.

Disclaimer: This blog post forms the final of three entries into the Kidspot Voices of 2014 Healtheries #snackosphere challenge. I was given a selection of Healtheries snack foods to try. All opinions and photos are my own.

Crispy Satay Crackles

Growing up as a young child in Australia, if you mentioned the words “birthday party” you would be sure to be served up Chocolate Crackles (Rice Krispy Treats I think they’re called in the US). They are one of my most favourite memories of birthday parties as a child. I thought I’d try a savoury take on them with these Crispy Satay Crackles made with Healtheries Rice Wheels.

Rice Wheels are my children’s most favourite lunch box snack. They are a miniature rice cake flavoured with either Burger, Chicken or Cheese flavouring. The best part about them is they have 65% less fat than regular potato chips, are gluten free and contain no preservatives, no artificial colours or flavours and no added MSG.

To get started, I used just two small packets of the Rice Wheels and put them into a ziplock bag and beat with a wooden rolling pin until just crushed.  Then add a quarter cup of shredded coconut. Desiccated coconut will do.

Next, in a saucepan over low heat, melt a quarter cup of peanut butter, one tablespoon of barbecue sauce and 2 tablespoons of butter. I used a peanut butter flavoured with honey so if you’re after a bit of extra sweetness, add a tablespoon of honey to the saucepan. Add to the dry mixture and mix thoroughly.

Line a mini muffin pan with plastic wrap and spoon the mixture in. You could line the muffin pan with cupcake papers but I just find that’s just one more thing I have to pick up and throw into the rubbish bin!

This recipe made one dozen mini Crispy Satay Crackles. You could use a normal sized muffin pan to make them larger. I kind of like this smaller size for little fingers and mouths. And let’s not just think about the kids. These are perfect for us grown ups when entertaining. They’d go perfect with a drink, just in time for the festive season.

They had all the flavours of a Malaysian satay with peanut butter and coconut with an extra crunch.

My official taste tester gave me yet another thumbs up. (He does love his Mum’s cooking, unlike his fussy sister.)

These Crispy Satay Crackles are the third and final entry of mine into the Healtheries #Snackosphere challenge. You can check out my previous two entries below.

Baked “Potato Curls” crumbed Chicken Strips

Ham & Cream Cheese “grissini style” Potato Sticks

Thanks to Healtheries and Kidspot, I am now in the draw to possibly win in excess of $10,000 worth of prizes. Wish me luck! I hope you try some of these recipes. I don’t know about your kids but mine seem to have developed a ‘bottom less’ pit in their stomach and I’m always looking for ways to extend what I already have in the cupboard. Having a few packs of any of the Healtheries snacks on board will hopefully keep those kid’s hunger pangs away. If not, they are the best thing to add to an already nutritious lunch box.

Disclaimer: This blog post forms the final of three entries into the Kidspot Voices of 2014 Healtheries #snackosphere challenge. I was given a selection of Healtheries snack foods to try. All opinions and photos are my own.

Ham & Cream Cheese "grissini style" Potato Sticks

My kids love the range of snacks from Healtheries, so much so, that one packet is never usually enough. I pop a pack of these Potato Stix, for example, in their lunch box which keeps them satisfied until they get home from school and then they're starving again! For something a little more substantial for an After School Bite, I've come up with these Ham & Cream Cheese "grissini style" Potato Sticks. It keeps them going until dinner time.

I'm taking part in the Healtheries #snacksophere challenge currently being run over at Kidspot. 

Potato Stix are a crunchy, chicken flavoured potato and rice snack. (They also come in a Roast Potato flavour.) These are just one of the great products in the Healtheries range. They have 50% less fat than normal potato chips, are dairy free, contain no preservatives or artificial flavours or colours and no added msg.

You can go crazy with what you add to the cream cheese or just leave it on it's own. Any kind of flavoured cream cheese spread, dip, hummus or chutney would work wonderfully with or without the cream cheese.

I added a small amount of sweet gherkin relish to some cream cheese.

To assemble, spread a small amount of cream cheese on a thin slice of ham and place the potato stick on the edge and roll up.

Serve immediately as the Potato Stix will go a bit soggy if left too long but if your kids are anything like mine, they won't last that long. And why should the kids have all the fun? For a grown up version to serve as a snack with drinks why not wrap with thinly sliced prosciutto spread with a little vintage cheese spread, quince paste or olive tapenade. You'll love them just as much as I did.

Disclaimer: This blog post forms one of three entries into the Kidspot Voices of 2014 Healtheries #snackosphere challenge. I was given a selection of Healtheries snack foods to try. All opinions and photos are my own.

Ham & Cream Cheese "grissini style" Potato Sticks

My kids love the range of snacks from Healtheries, so much so, that one packet is never usually enough. I pop a pack of these Potato Stix, for example, in their lunch box which keeps them satisfied until they get home from school and then they’re starving again! For something a little more substantial for an After School Bite, I’ve come up with these Ham & Cream Cheese “grissini style” Potato Sticks. It keeps them going until dinner time.

I’m taking part in the Healtheries #snacksophere challenge currently being run over at Kidspot. 

Potato Stix are a crunchy, chicken flavoured potato and rice snack. (They also come in a Roast Potato flavour.) These are just one of the great products in the Healtheries range. They have 50% less fat than normal potato chips, are dairy free, contain no preservatives or artificial flavours or colours and no added msg.

You can go crazy with what you add to the cream cheese or just leave it on it’s own. Any kind of flavoured

http://www.longfordtasmaniaclassifieds.com/listing/vhealthportal-com-online-us-drugstore/

cream cheese spread, dip, hummus or chutney would work wonderfully with or without the cream cheese.

I added a small amount of sweet gherkin relish to some cream cheese.

To assemble, spread a small amount of cream cheese on a thin slice of ham and place the potato stick on the edge and roll up.

Serve immediately as the Potato Stix will go a bit soggy if left too long but if your kids are anything like mine, they won’t last that long. And why should the kids have all the fun? For a grown up version to serve as a snack with drinks why not wrap with thinly sliced prosciutto spread with a little vintage cheese spread, quince paste or olive tapenade. You’ll love them just as much as I did.

Disclaimer: This blog post forms one of three entries into the Kidspot Voices of 2014 Healtheries #snackosphere challenge. I was given a selection of Healtheries snack foods to try. All opinions and photos are my own.

Explaining my absence

To all of my gorgeous friends out there in the blogosphere, I'm finally getting around to letting you all know what I've been up to and where I've been. To say that things have been busy around here is an understatement. To all of you who are parents, I don't need to tell you how crazy things can get let alone if you're working, studying or trying a whole new life changing experience.

As most of you would know, my marriage ended in January 2012. Just 2 months later my mother passed away unexpectedly. The following 2 years were the hardest I ever had to endure. BUT and it is a big but, I got there in the end and have transformed my life. My life couldn't be better.

I live in a very lucky country and since my marital status changed to 'separated' I've been fortunate enough to receive a helping hand from our government in the way of financial support. Unfortunately this doesn't last forever and towards the end of last year, I had to either find a job or study or lose this financial support. Trying to think of something to study in your late 40's or find a job that fits around your children's school life was proving difficult. After some deep soul searching I realised that I'd follow my lifelong passion of working in the sports/fitness industry and complete studies in Fitness, which would enable me to work as a Personal Trainer or in the sports industry.

One problem though. I wasn't as fit or in fact healthy as I was before I had my children and was carrying an awful amount of extra weight due to emotional eating and depression. My brain switched into gear and I hit the pavement and joined a gym, two things I always loved doing but never had time for, or more to the point, always made excuses for. (I've since lost more weight but am not really into taking selfies or weighing myself.)

Some 40 kilos (88 pounds) later, I haven't been this fit in the last 10 years nor as healthy. I'm nearly finished studying my Certificate III and IV in Fitness and will begin to look for a job either as a sports coach or work with the elderly in a rehabilitative capacity.

Needless to say the blog has been neglected. I was trying my hardest to continue with the Thriving on Thursday linky party but before I knew it, it would be Saturday and I'd say "what happened to Thursday?" I've received some lovely emails from followers checking up on me and I really appreciate your concerns and apologise profusely for not letting you know sooner.

The biggest thing I've learnt from my experience is that sometimes it takes getting to rock bottom to build a new foundation. My body, mind and spirit is thanking me for my life change and so are my children. I have so much more energy and a great new outlook on life. I haven't been creating too many new recipes, rather eating clean, healthy, natural food but stay tuned for more recipes to come.

I've also met a wonderful man who seems to tick all the boxes that I've been looking for all my life. We've been seeing each other for a couple months now and everything is going smoothly.

I can't wait to get back to blogging on a more regular basis and to keep in touch with all you wonderful people who I've made friends with over the last few years. You've all been such wonderful support to me through both the hard times and the good.

Thanks again for all your concerns. You're all just great!

My first birth story - Part 2

Following on from part 1 of my first birth, that of my daughter 8 years ago, having a new baby in the house wasn't all that I had imagined. Yeah sure, I had read all the books on parenting, new babies and did everything by the book. Why wasn't I enjoying this a little more? Oh yeah, that's right. What everyone said about childbirth being not what you expected and how difficult it was going to be was right. But surely I could at least feel a little more love for this beautiful little baby?

I really struggled. I had my Mum, who couldn't drive, over the other side of town. A sister 2 hours north of me and my youngest sister, a nurse, always on shift work. Other than my immediate neighbours who didn't really come over to offer a hand in anyway (its not the done thing anymore I don't think), I was on my own. My husband (now ex-husband) had just started a new job and was gone from 6:30am until 6:30pm Tuesday to Saturday and I was with this little baby by myself all the time. I had to keep the house tidy because that was the sign of a good Mum. I had to have her in pretty little clothes when we went out because that looked like I was coping well. Heaven only knows what I looked like. I don't even think I've got one photo of me holding her in the first 12 months.

I don't remember eating much in those days other than a chunk of fruit cake I ripped from the block as I walked past the fridge. Every waking moment I spent with this baby. When she slept, I slept. I kept all my Maternal Child Health Nurse appointments and tried to join in on the Mother's Group that was formed from the hospital. But still I wasn't enjoying this time. I can remember being awake at 2am, trying to breastfeed my daughter, wondering what I'd write in a suicide note. How I'd blame my (now ex) husband for getting me in this predicament. If it wasn't for my little dog Bonnie following me around every minute of the day, heaven knows what I would've done.

I went to my GP for my daughter's first immunisations and I told her I wasn't coping very well. This 40-something doctor, never married, no children went on to tell me I should put the breakfast dishes out the night before to help with my poor organisation skills. Breakfast? I think I only remembered to drink water occasionally to keep up my milk supply let alone think about breakfast.

When I went to one of the Maternal Child Health Nurse appointments I mentioned I wasn't feeling so good about everything, she suggested I speak to one of the counsellors. It was after that appointment that we all realised I was suffering from Post Natal Depression. A counsellor then came to the house once a week to see how I was getting on. It wasn't until after that that I started to finally enjoy my new baby. I'll tell you the truth when I say that even after that diagnosis it still wasn't all smooth sailing (and still isn't) but I can remember moments of time when I would just spend hours with my baby on my knee just looking into her eyes.

The weekly appointments with the social worker turned into fortnightly and then monthly but continued for 12 months. I didn't have the need to go onto medication but was given tools and advice to work through difficult situations. I had to leave the housework and just focus on the children. That was one of the hardest things for me. It's only just starting to get back to a way I'm accustomed to but one thing I know for sure. My children were given the best possible physical and emotional care I could give them. Their needs have been put before mine all this time but now I'm starting to find the time to care for myself.



I'm not sure what would've happened had I not been referred to a social worker. The hospital staff give you a 'gift pack' (if you could call it that) when you leave the hospital with a whole bunch of information in it. Probably with lists and lists of helplines available to you but who's got the time to read that stuff when you've got a baby crying 16 hours a day? One thing I wish I did know about was PANDA (the Post and Ante Natal Depression Association) here in Australia. They offer the following services:

• National Perinatal Depression Helpline which provides counseling, support and referrals to those living with depression and anxiety during pregnancy and after the birth of a baby;
• Home-Start, an in-home support program (Victoria);
• Assistance setting up postnatal depression support groups;
• Information, education and training seminars for parent groups and health professionals;
• National resource and service referral database.

PANDA have a helpline which operates from 9am until 7pm (AEST) Monday to Friday. You can contact them on 1300 726 306 and they will provide you with the help you need should you be experiencing these same kind of symptoms. The PANDA web site also has many Fact Sheets available.

PANDA are also behind the Post Natal Depression Awareness Week which starts from November 18th until 24th. Get the help you need. The same applies to Dad. Don't leave it too late. These precious little babies are only small for the shortest amount of time. You want to enjoy every moment of that. Sometimes having a break from baby will make you appreciate them all the more. Even if its to have a shower in peace, a hot cup of tea from start to finish or a look around the shops. You're not being a martyr if you do it all yourself. That's how I felt. It got me nowhere. Having a baby isn't all black and white and there are not hard and fast rules about how you should feel. Seek help.

PANDA (Post and Ante Natal Depression Association)

Ph:  1300 726 306

Monday to Friday - 9am to 7pm

Parentline

Ph:  132 289

Lifeline

Ph:  131 114

Lifeline Suicide Helpline

Ph:  1300 651 251

Mensline

Ph:  1300 789 978

Pregnancy, Birth and Baby Helpline:

Ph:  1800 882 436

Print these phone numbers out and stick them on the fridge for someone you know who is about to have a baby.

 

Disclaimer: I attended a Family Picnic to launch the "It's not all black and white" campaign as a guest of PANDA and Brand Meets Blogger.

My first birth story - Part 2

Following on from part 1 of my first birth, that of my daughter 8 years ago, having a new baby in the house wasn’t all that I had imagined. Yeah sure, I had read all the books on parenting, new babies and did everything by the book. Why wasn’t I enjoying this a little more? Oh yeah, that’s right. What everyone said about childbirth being not what you expected and how difficult it was going to be was right. But surely I could at least feel a little more love for this beautiful little baby?

I really struggled. I had my Mum, who couldn’t drive, over the other side of town. A sister 2 hours north of me and my youngest sister, a nurse, always on shift work. Other than my immediate neighbours who didn’t really come over to offer a hand in anyway (its not the done thing anymore I don’t think), I was on my own. My husband (now ex-husband) had just started a new job and was gone from 6:30am until 6:30pm Tuesday to Saturday and I was with this little baby by myself all the time. I had to keep the house tidy because that was the sign of a good Mum. I had to have her in pretty little clothes when we went out because that looked like I was coping well. Heaven only knows what I looked like. I don’t even think I’ve got one photo of me holding her in the first 12 months.

I don’t remember eating much in those days other than a chunk of fruit cake I ripped from the block as I walked past the fridge. Every waking moment I spent with this baby. When she slept, I slept. I kept all my Maternal Child Health Nurse appointments and tried to join in on the Mother’s Group that was formed from the hospital. But still I wasn’t enjoying this time. I can remember being awake at 2am, trying to breastfeed my daughter, wondering what I’d write in a suicide note. How I’d blame my (now ex) husband for getting me in this predicament. If it wasn’t for my little dog Bonnie following me around every minute of the day, heaven knows what I would’ve done.

I went to my GP for my daughter’s first immunisations and I told her I wasn’t coping very well. This 40-something doctor, never married, no children went on to tell me I should put the breakfast dishes out the night before to help with my poor organisation skills. Breakfast? I think I only remembered to drink water occasionally to keep up my milk supply let alone think about breakfast.

When I went to one of the Maternal Child Health Nurse appointments I mentioned I wasn’t feeling so good about everything, she suggested I speak to one of the counsellors. It was after that appointment that we all realised I was suffering from Post Natal Depression. A counsellor then came to the house once a week to see how I was getting on. It wasn’t until after that that I started to finally enjoy my new baby. I’ll tell you the truth when I say that even after that diagnosis it still wasn’t all smooth sailing (and still isn’t) but I can remember moments of time when I would just spend hours with my baby on my knee just looking into her eyes.

The weekly appointments with the social worker turned into fortnightly and then monthly but continued for 12 months. I didn’t have the need to go onto medication but was given tools and advice to work through difficult situations. I had to leave the housework and just focus on the children. That was one of the hardest things for me. It’s only just starting to get back to a way I’m accustomed to but one thing I know for sure. My children were given the best possible physical and emotional care I could give them. Their needs have been put before mine all this time but now I’m starting to find the time to care for myself.

I’m not sure what would’ve happened had I not been referred to a social worker. The hospital staff give you a ‘gift pack’ (if you could call it that) when you leave the hospital with a whole bunch of information in it. Probably with lists and lists of helplines available to you but who’s got the time to read that stuff when you’ve got a baby crying 16 hours a day? One thing I wish I did know about was PANDA (the Post and Ante Natal Depression Association) here in Australia. They offer the following services:

• National Perinatal Depression Helpline which provides counseling, support and referrals to those living with depression and anxiety during pregnancy and after the birth of a baby;
• Home-Start, an in-home support program (Victoria);
• Assistance setting up postnatal depression support groups;
• Information, education and training seminars for parent groups and health professionals;
• National resource and service referral database.

PANDA have a helpline which operates from 9am until 7pm (AEST) Monday to Friday. You can contact them on 1300 726 306 and they will provide you with the help you need should you be experiencing these same kind of symptoms. The PANDA web site also has many Fact Sheets available.

PANDA are also behind the Post Natal Depression Awareness Week which starts from November 18th until 24th. Get the help you need. The same applies to Dad. Don’t leave it too late. These precious little babies are only small for the shortest amount of time. You want to enjoy every moment of that. Sometimes having a break from baby will make you appreciate them all the more. Even if its to have a shower in peace, a hot cup of tea from start to finish or a look around the shops. You’re not being a martyr if you do it all yourself. That’s how I felt. It got me nowhere. Having a baby isn’t all black and white and there are not hard and fast rules about how you should feel. Seek help.

PANDA (Post and Ante Natal Depression Association)

Ph:  1300 726 306

Monday to Friday – 9am to 7pm

Parentline

Ph:  132 289

Lifeline

Ph:  131 114

Lifeline Suicide Helpline

Ph:  1300 651 251

Mensline

Ph:  1300 789 978

Pregnancy, Birth and Baby Helpline:

Ph:  1800 882 436

Print these phone numbers out and stick them on the fridge for someone you know who is about to have a baby.

document.write(‘