Last Saturday I had the good fortune to attend a VIP (very important parenting) Saturday parenting seminar with Michael Grose and Bruce Sullivan with a great friend of mine. My friend and I are always comparing notes on how we could raise our kids better, or more to the point, getting the kids to do what we want. We wonder if our children will turn out okay, be resilient, be good citizens etc etc. All the same things that I'm sure other parents think of. Well, my friend and I and about about 300 people all got some or all of our questions answered with a very informative and hilarious couple of hours last weekend.
Michael Grose is one of the leading parenting experts in Australia, author of 8 parenting books, columnist and parenting educator to over 1,500 Australian schools. He’s also the first person to conduct a parenting seminar in Parliament House, Canberra.
Michael spoke of a way of reducing all that parenting 'clutter' we can sometimes get caught up on and gave us a straight forward approach to doing what was most important to raise our children into healthy adults.
Bruce Sullivan, a relationship expert, lead the seminar and I swear, I didn't stop laughing once. He just pointed out the obvious and asked us would we prefer to wake up each day with our 'ranty pants' on or would we prefer to be happy. He told that some of those little things that tend to get us down, for example getting cut off in traffic, are just "facts of life" and aren't worth the headache and heartache that tend to put so much stress on our family lives. It was a great session and if you ever hear of Bruce giving a seminar, you should really check it out. Beats any stand up comedy routine I've ever seen and its informative at the same time.
As you know my children will be 9 and 7 in November so we're all at different stages of parenting. When my daughter was 2 and a half, the terrible twos were over. My son, on the other hand, started the terrible twos at 15 months of age and hasn't stopped at nearly 7. My daughter, now, has started on the road of teenage hormones and you'll never find a more emotional, over dramatic, little 'princess' if you tried. Heaven help me when she is a teenager!
From what I know of parenting, just when you think you've got something worked out, the kids 'up the ante' and you've got to change the way you do things. These are the things I got out of last weekend's seminar that are relative to me at the moment. There were audience members who had an only child, only babies, only teenagers etc. They all took various points away with them but I hope to try and retain some of the things I learnt for the years to come. Here's a couple of points from my notes:
- raise a small family (1 or 2 kids) with a large family mentality, ie fending for themselves, sorting out discrepancies on their own, helping each other
- kids want encouragement more than praise. Focus on the process. Example: Instead of "you are so clever at school" say "the way you're spelling has improved is fantastic" or "I love to hear how well you're playing with your school friends in the playground"
- never do for a child what they can do for themselves
- do just enough
- make it easy for them to remember how to do something
- teach them to get by
- be a witness and teacher, not a solver of problems
- six things to build a resilient child: conflict, change, rejection, disappointment, loss, failure
- develop good mental health habits: exercise, sleep, talk, relaxation, helping others
- build a strong family 'brand', eg meal times, family rituals.
One thing I noticed that I do have in common with Michael Grose is that his latest parenting book is called "Thriving". I may not have all the parenting answers like Michael but I do have that in common with him!
That's sounds like it would have been a fun and informative night Anne. I don't know about other parents but I for one am constantly thinking about this parenting gig and how to do it better. Hubby and I talk about things regularly through the week about things. Because you're right the kids are constantly changing and you've got to be on top of your game to keep up.
ReplyDeleteSounds fantastic Anne! It's so daunting as a parent sometimes to know how to handle the "what next" when your kids change so much so quickly!
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to take a step back sometimes & hear what someone else thinks works, even if it is just reassuring you about what you are already doing. :)
Sounds like a great learning experience for you. I hope the application of the skills you learned goes smoothly, because in parenting it can often be the simple suggestions that throw the biggest curve balls. My experience is that there are always - ALWAYS challenges! The rewards are out of this world though!
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like it was a great seminar! I really like the idea "be a witness and teacher, not a solver of problems" and "never do for a child what they can do for themselves". I know I get trapped into doing too much for my boys when we are in a hurry or we are all tired. Thanks for this post. xx
ReplyDeleteSounds like a wonderful seminar, are they taking it on the road at all? Would love some help with my 5 year old son who suddenly thinks he's the boss of the house and doesn't have to listen or do what is asked of him! God help me! x Aroha (#teamIBOT)
ReplyDeleteSensational! I am always looking at ways to improve as a parent (and I have a long way to go!!!) You have some great tips there!
ReplyDeleteI found you from IBOT at Essentially Jess and you have a new follower :D You can find me at http://homesweetkitchengarden.blogspot.com.au/
Wow what great advice, I just emailed hubby your points! I love "never do for a child what they can do for themselves". My husband was still making the kids beds at 12 and 14 years old when I moved in. This week I left their sheets on their beds to remake and they didn't do it, I really think they need to start doing more things and learning for themselves.
ReplyDeleteGreat advice. Sounds like a very worthwhile day. thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteLots of good points Anne. I totally agree with making the kids do things for themselves, better to teach them how to than do it for them. x
ReplyDeleteSounds like it was a great seminar and all those points are so excellent!
ReplyDeleteSix things to build resilience is a challenge - they are things we often want to protect out kids from, but in the process we stunt their emotional development.
Some great tips there. We have covered most of those in the parenting courses we've done, and found them to to be life changing
ReplyDeleteWOW, Anne, I've never attended a parenting seminar but this one sounds AMAZING! Having kids that are either grown or almost grown, I agree 100% with all the tips you gave....if you follow them, you will raise your children to be independent, grounded, good people!
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