Using your parenting skills for paid work

Since becoming a parent, I have developed a whole new skills set and I was wondering how I might be able to best use them, outside the home, for perhaps a part-time, paid job. Let’s see.

Yelling:

Prior to kids, I was a softly spoken, introvert who hated confrontation. As the kids have got older, I have found my voice and it’s loud. I still find it very uncomfortable when I yell at the kids and it doesn’t come naturally but it’s effective.

Possible jobs: junior football coach, referee/umpire, town crier, drill sergeant, personal trainer, cheerleader.

Industrial cleaning:

I have never cleaned so many different ‘hard to clean’ substances from ‘hard to clean’ surfaces in my life. I’m talking about permanent marker from any surface in the house, icky gooey ‘God knows what it is’ from hair/clothes/floors/school bags and the usual spew/poo/urine/mucous.

Possible jobs: Cleaner at the local sewage plant, factory/hospital cleaner, taxidermist, mortician.

Unpacking and assembling toys:

Those packaged toys and all that wire and plastic! Arrggghh! I reckon if I could spend 5 seconds taking it off, I could spend 5 seconds putting it on. Don’t even get me started on transforming “Transformers”. I’ve nearly thrown them straight out the door in frustration.

Possible jobs: working on a production line in an electronics factory, jeweller, toy packer, elf at the North pole.

Caring:

Before kids, I didn’t really care for anyone else but myself. Since they came along I’ve had to share myself around with two other human beings and be their ‘soft place to fall’ (as Dr Phil

http://creditcardnow.us/comment/181#comment-181

would say). Trouble is I don’t really care for it much especially when I’m trying to have a coffee in peace or watch a TV program or listen to a song on the radio. (I guess I don’t mind doing it that much. It’s nice to be relied upon so much as I am. Just wish it could be one at a time and when I had free time.)

Possible jobs: working as a carer in an old people’s home/hospital, psychologist/psychiatrist, nurse, Care Bear impersonator.

Buyer:

I’ve always enjoyed shopping, all my life, but these days, it’s all centred on the kids and keeping up with the latest gadgets and toys AND keeping stationery supplies stocked up. I can’t tell you how many staplers, permanent markers, rubber bands, pens/pencils, sticky tape and holders etc etc I’ve had to replace since these kids moved in. And the toys? I know I’m responsible for buying them and even though they don’t get that many, I’m sick of sorting them into their correct tubs, rooms, level of the house. If only I wasn’t so anal!

Possible jobs: stationery store owner, buyer for a department store/toy shop, merchandiser, purchasing/procurement specialist.

Ignoring:

I’ve developed a great sense of ‘selective hearing’ with my two kids. Prior to their arrival, I was always very attentive, wanting to learn and pay attention in my career and personal life but now, I can quite easily block out the screaming, arguing, whining and whinging.

Possible jobs:  Police officer, fast food attendant, department store shop assistant, politician.