No, I’m not talking about the long, dark-haired English home cook who made a squillion out of basic cooking skills by writing cookbooks and appearing on her own cooking shows (who I do love by the way) but rather I’m talking about the every day, 21st century woman. What defines them and what is a domestic goddess?

I feel like breaking out into an Oprah chant saying “you’re a domestic goddess, you’re a domestic goddess, you’re all domestic goddesses” because every woman, whether they live alone, partnered or with or without children, you’re all domestic goddesses.

No longer does it refer to the 1950’s housewife who stayed at home and polished the stove, cooked everything from scratch and welcomed home her grumpy husband with her hair perfectly coiffed, lippy on and slippers and pipe in hand. Those days are definitely over.

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

The good part about being a woman today is that we can have it all. We can have children, go back to work as soon or as late as we want, not go back to work, take up tertiary studies or stay at home.

We have the choice to do whatever we want with full support from our partners, if we have a partner. We can decide to work from home. We can give our time generously to volunteering in our children’s school or an aged care facility. We can work part time if we want to. We have a choice.

Up until say 30 to 40 years ago, we didn’t really have a choice. It was a given that if you got married, you were expected to have children and stay home to look after them. This also included managing the household, keeping it clean, doing the laundry and preparing all the meals.

That was my dream and one that I fulfilled but it certainly wasn’t ‘dreamy’. It was bloody hard work. It still is with 2 ‘nearly’ teenagers but I wouldn’t have it any other way. It was my choice and one that I’m happy I made.

I worked part-time during that period too, I kept house, I cooked, I cleaned, I volunteered, I nurtured and I might have found 5 minutes during that time for me too. I’m now running my own business from home all while still caring for my family.

The bad is that we seriously can’t do it all. Something has to give. We can’t keep on top of the housework, folding the laundry, we rely on takeaway food to feed our families or, in my case, my health and fitness is put on the back burner.

Not that I was ever ‘high maintenance’ but I always took care of myself, I was (what I call) a ‘normal’ size and I gave myself regular pampering. That was before, of course, children.

Women of the 1950s didn’t have the internet, they were focused on their home and family and probably had time for a regular visit to hairdressers. Nowadays, we all spend time on the internet. It can be part of our business or our ‘down time’ and generally how we keep in touch with everyone and everything.

Not that that’s a bad thing. We can choose to be interactive on social media or not. The internet is a valuable tool for researching information and one I’d be lost without now.

Now for the ugly. Our expectations are so high. We feel like failures if we can’t keep on top of the housework or laundry. We don’t do enough physical exercise doing our housework (our 1950s grandmothers and mothers didn’t go to gyms to work out, they kept fit and slim by working in the house and garden) and to comfort ourselves, we rely on food (well, that’s my case) or alcohol.

We go to work (or work in our businesses at home), we ferry our kids to every after school activity imaginable because we want to give them what we didn’t have and we might have time for our partners (if you are partnered) when you fall exhausted into bed at night.

We compare our reality with what we see on the internet. Interior designed homes with not a thing out of place. Perfectly matching decor and kid’s rooms that look gorgeous but don’t look like a child has ever been in that room.

The reality is a home is lived in. Kids play with toys. Kids make mess. The dust and crumbs on the floor pile up, the dishes are undone, the laundry hamper is overflowing and you have just as much to fold and you look at it all and say “I’ll do that tomorrow” as you stumble into the shower and fall into bed at night.

I’m here to tell you it doesn’t have to be like that.

Don’t be hard on yourself

Let’s be realistic. If you want to work full time, don’t expect to be able to spend time keeping your home in pristine condition. If you do have children, teach them the responsibility of helping. It is, after all, a team effort and you’ll be teaching them life skills.

You are a domestic goddess! The fact that you have decided to take the path you have, whether that’s career or stay at home Mum, single career woman or widowed grandmother living alone, you are the domestic goddess of your domain and you run it the way you want to.

How to be a Domestic Goddess in today’s world

If you’re too tired to cook, learn how to be prepared with quick easy meals that are either already made in the freezer or quick to make.

If you can afford it, hire a cleaner once a fortnight to do the basics.

Don’t buy anything for the home unless you know you can take the time to dust/clean it. Look at magazines and the internet for inspiration but don’t put yourself under any pressure to have that style or keep it in that condition. It’s just not real. A home should be a safe haven for you and your family and a place to be comforted.

My husband only said the other night “why do we have all those cushions on the bed and have to take them off each night?” You know, that question. I just replied that I like it. If I like it, I know I have to put them on the bed each morning when I make it and take them off each night. If you don’t have time to do that, don’t have them.

Define the ‘hot spots’ in your home like the kid’s school bags, your handbag, car keys, mail etc etc and find a place for it all. That’s where everything goes as soon as you walk in the door. You’ll feel more organised, there’ll be less clutter in open view and you can sort it when you have time.

Keep a small sewing kit in an easy to access spot and sew that button on or fix that hem straight away. Teach your children to do that too.

Look on the Internet for DIY solutions. It might be more time consuming but it is rewarding to think you’ve fixed something yourself. If you learn to sew, you can make your own curtains, cushions, clothes. If you know how to use an electric drill, you can hang pictures. Teach yourself some basic house maintenance.

By managing your time well, you’ll find that you can do those things you’ve always wanted to do in your spare time. Pamper yourself, read a book, binge watch your favourite TV shows, play board games with the kids.

Don’t plan your days off doing the housework. CAYG! Clean as you go. That’s how I manage to stay on top of the housework. The only planned housework days I have are every second Saturday morning for 2 hours when I get the kids involved to do a proper ‘clean’ of their rooms, washing floors, dusting etc. I do not want to spend my time cleaning. Life is too short for that.

Having been a ‘clean freak’ for many years before kids, I tried to do it all when my kids came along but I just about had a nervous breakdown. I learnt to accept that I can’t do it all. I was allowed to let the house get dusty. It was, after all, my domain. I managed it. Everyone was well fed, neatly dressed in clean clothes, bathed and most importantly, loved.

I might’ve been busy cleaning the shower when my toddler came up to me crying. I’d stop what I was doing and comfort them. You can’t get that time back, ever. The shower didn’t get cleaned straight away but it eventually got cleaned.

Don’t be hard on yourself. You are a domestic goddess, someone who manages their ‘domain’ the best way they can. Remember, find ways to make your load easier. Life is definitely too short to be worried about whether there’s dust on the furniture or the floor needs sweeping. If you like a clean floor, sweep it. Make it part of your evening routine.

Be realistic about the time it takes to do these jobs. I swear, I take no longer than 10 minutes to fold the laundry on the same day it comes off the line. That’s not from having any super powers or being a magician. That’s just one of the things I like doing because if I don’t, I finish up with baskets of laundry to fold. And don’t worry.

That has happened over the years. I’ve got sick, the kids have got sick or there’s just been too much other stuff on. It eventually gets folded. Don’t be hard on yourself.

So for all the woman in the world who want it all, you are a domestic goddess. Make the claim and be proud of what you do. We are so truly blessed to have the modern conveniences of the 21st century compared to those women of the 1950s, we can blitz through those things that are high on our priorities and take the time out to enjoy the things that are important to us.