 |
| My daughter aged 3 |
I’ve been wanting to write this post for ages, for nearly 9 years in fact, but I really couldn’t think of an appropriate title. My ‘fussy’ or ‘picky’ daughter just didn’t fit. For 9 years my daughter just hasn’t eaten. I have read soooo many books, web sites and blogs about hiding your vegies in food, family friendly meals, how to get picky eaters to eat, blah blah blah and let me tell you, absolutely nothing works.
From about the age of 2 years old, she started to get a bit fussy, like all kids do I guess. They’ve gained new found independence or they just don’t like the taste or texture of certain foods so they refuse them. Not my daughter. She just plainly refused to eat the food I served. On visits to the Maternal & Child Health Nurse at her regular check ups, the nurse would tell me to make finger foods or make it crunchy or again, blah blah blah. Nothing worked. Over the years I have read and tried absolutely everything there is to try on getting a child to eat.
 |
| Aged 9 with her brother and her favourite food, hot chips |
Coming from a family who ate everything (even though I was, and still am, fussy towards runny eggs) we just didn’t leave the table until our dinner was eaten but we were pretty lucky that we ate everything. I can remember sitting in the kitchen in the dark with stone cold choko on my plate but I eventually ate it. We tried sending her to bed with nothing, serving it up to for breakfast, lunch or dinner the following day, not giving her anything else, never making a fuss, getting her to pick things out to try at the supermarket. You name it. We tried EVERYTHING!
Just last year I was at my wit’s end only because I worried about her nutrition at 10 years of age. We took her to a pediatrician and then subsequently a child psychologist. This doctor got her to eat almonds, baby spinach and hummous. So there! How did you think it made me feel? When she goes to her father’s now she eats vegetables that are on the list written on the fridge but she won’t eat them at home. She has even eaten a sausage roll and a hamburger with her father but not with me. Think of it as her last act of defiance with me and you might have a better understanding of why she won’t eat for me. She’s a very clever girl and quite clearly understands the meaning of nutritional value with certain foods but she just won’t eat them. She says it makes her ‘sick’ so she doesn’t eat them.
 |
| Aged 10 |
I gave up reacting to her defiance years ago so I don’t know why she continues to do it. Yes, she’s stubborn and maybe all I can hope for is that she will eat normal foods one day but boy, it does make it hard at meal times. I’ve been cooking the same food for everyone for years now and she just refuses to eat it and goes to bed hungry. She’s not over or under weight and quite healthy, from what we can gather. It’s not even a matter of what she won’t eat because if you can name it, she won’t eat it. We’ve made some tremendous progress over the years with her moving on from chicken nuggets to actual real chicken for example. Here is a list of guaranteed foods she will eat:
- hot chips (always hot chips) or my homemade potato wedges which I try to include in every meal
- white or wholemeal bread
- butter
- Vegemite
- cheese
- apples
- bananas (with not a bit of black on them)
- chicken
- crumbed chicken
- broccoli, carrot and corn
- potato crisps
- lollies (of course with the lollies, which is once a fortnight movie night thing)
- popcorn
- gravy
- some cookies and very rarely cake
- cracker biscuits
- plain pasta (after a long drawn out process)
- plain rice
- plain white fish
- ice cream and ice blocks
 |
| Up until aged 2, she ate everything |
Gosh Anne, I have no advice I'm afraid just plenty of sympathy. I can't imagine how hard it must be especially when food and cooking is such a big part of your life. I could say carry on doing what you're doing (but I'm sure you will) or, don't worry as long as she is healthy (but Mums are designed to worry!). Maybe what started as defiance has just become the norm for her – the defiance has gone but the habit remains? Hopefully as she matures she will become more open to food and realise, like the rest of us, that food is not just necessary but is also very enjoyable. xx
Hi Anne, Not sure if what I think is any use, but since you asked… looking at her diet, it is pretty limited, but if you limit some if the kilo joule stuffed foods, she is probably getting enough of most nutrients. I'd be inclined to pop her on a multi vitamin just to be sure, very gently encourage a little more dairy if possible for calcium (choc milk ? Milo) and leave her be. There are so many battles with kids this age, I'm not sure that you can win this, so save your fight for the big things. You may find in a few years her tastes will develop. It must feel a little strange to you though, being such an enthusiastic and good cook, to have someone who doesn't really get that food is a pleasure in life.
Thanks Jo. I appreciate your advice. Yes, the non nutritional foods are very limited and a multi vitamin is definitely the way to go. If she was failing to thrive I'd be worried but her health has been pretty good. I hope that her tastes will develop. She has come a long way from say a couple years ago. Thanks again. xx
Hi Anne, Not sure if what I think is any use, but since you asked… looking at her diet, it is pretty limited, but if you limit some if the kilo joule stuffed foods, she is probably getting enough of most nutrients. I'd be inclined to pop her on a multi vitamin just to be sure, very gently encourage a little more dairy if possible for calcium (choc milk ? Milo) and leave her be. There are so many battles with kids this age, I'm not sure that you can win this, so save your fight for the big things. You may find in a few years her tastes will develop. It must feel a little strange to you though, being such an enthusiastic and good cook, to have someone who doesn't really get that food is a pleasure in life.
What does she prepare for herself when she does get hungry? Maybe a stupid question, but she looks like she is old (and wise) enough to start helping you prepare meals for the family. Bet she does that at her Dad's. Linda@Wetcreek Blog
I just happened to stumble upon your blog post, and thought the topic quite interesting. As mentioned by another commenter, I agree that she could be encouraged to prepare her own meals, take ownership of some sort of a balanced diet, and be off the hook with appreciating the loving and nurturing cooking you do for the rest of the family. There's no need to insist that she need finding "pleasure" in eating or to develop a taste for a wide variety of foods. That's sort of scripted. Not everyone is a foodie, nor should be. Perhaps there is another act of love and nurture from you that she would appreciate so much more than food!
Oh, you're absolutely right Linda. This has been mentioned before by many people. There's no doubt she gets a lot of love and attention from me in many forms. I come from a long line of generations where food is definitely looked upon as more than just sustenance. It was a lifestyle, a time to celebrate and to be creative. I don't enforce this onto her and I gave up years ago making it an issue. I wanted to write this post for many years now but just decided to do it now. There isn't any hostility at meal times. She either eats what I prepare or she doesn't. Some nights she does enjoy what we eat. She will be her own person and will eat what she wants when she's older. As her Mum, I still find it frustrating trying to give her a balanced, nutritious meal but I feel she's still doing ok. Thanks very much for stopping by. I really appreciate your advice. Thank you x
Perhaps many years from now this will all be something to look back upon and laugh:) I think that with maturity your daughter's fussy eating habit will blossom into one of a discerning and knowledgeable palette for what she chooses to eat. I'm of the breed that I'll eat everything on my plate, then go for a second helping. I love when people cook for me!