I get it. I know the feeling all too well. Clothes are overflowing in the laundry baskets, waiting to be folded. There are dirty dishes on the sink. Kid’s toys are all over the floor. You can’t remember the last time you washed your floor. If that sounds like you, don’t despair. It’s okay. I’m sure we’ve all found ourselves in this predicament at some point or another. If this sounds familiar, here are 3 questions to ask yourself to become a more organised homemaker and change the way you live.

I was always a tidy, organised person before having my children. I was on the point of being OCD but never formally diagnosed. Everything had a home and it was always put away and put away so neatly. When I had my babies I tried so hard to maintain that high standard but failed miserably and felt like a complete failure. I was on my own, most of the time and finding time to have a shower was difficult. I’m sure you can relate to that when a new baby comes into the house.

It wasn’t until I had a visit from the social worker attached to the maternity hospital that I realised that the babies came first. There would always be time for the house, and me, later. It was, and still is, really hard to live like that when I was used to have order in the home.

Being in an unhappy marriage, eventually separating and then 3 months later, my mother passing away, I stared down the barrel of 2 long years of depression and trying to get myself better. I’ll never forget those days. They were the saddest days of my life. I was really only going through the motions of making sure my children were well cared for, that is, being fed and clothed, schooled and loved. I lovingly cared for my dogs too because they gave so much back to me to help me get through this time.

During that time, I can remember the vacuum cleaner being constantly out in the middle of the floor. Only the basic housework was only ever done, nothing was organised, I can’t remember ever doing much cleaning. I was only existing and all the while thinking about how I wanted my home back to being a tidy, well organised space. The love was there but there was no organisation. I was feeling so overwhelmed.

I had to ask myself a couple of questions. I had to ask myself why, how, what, when or even if I wanted to make a change. I couldn’t live like this forever. If you’re in this place now and are so overwhelmed and you don’t know where to start, ask yourself these questions. This is your home, your rules. You know your own level of expectation and only you can make a difference.

Question 1: Do I have too much stuff in my home?

If the answer is yes, it’s time to declutter. I’m not saying declutter your entire home in one weekend. This is too overwhelming for anyone. Think of hot spots, that is places in your home that tend to get messy quickly. Areas like as you walk through the front door, the kitchen, where you store your food, the bathroom and your clothes in the bedroom.

Pick one area. Look at it. Look at the front door and if you see hundreds of pairs of shoes piling up, a mountain of mail and junk mail that hasn’t even been opened or you can never find your keys or sunglasses when you need to go out, make a commitment to yourself to fix just one part of that area. It could be something as simple as organising the shoes.

Grab 3 baskets or boxes. Throw out any shoes that no longer fit or unmatched pairs and put them in one basket. If any shoes are worth selling or donating, put them in the second basket. Any shoes that are worn all the time and are best kept at the front door, put them in the third basket.

Take the first basket to the rubbish bin, straight away. List any shoes you want to sell straight away or put them in the car to drop off for donation the next time you’re driving past the thrift store. (If you’re too overwhelmed to think about listing items to sell, don’t. Passing them on for donation will help someone else in need.) Let everyone in the home know that the basket at the front door is where the everyday shoes are now kept when not on their feet.

Even if that’s the only thing you do all week, it’s one thing. As you see other areas of your home that you know need to be organised, write it down. Write it down in a notebook. Think of how you can break that area or task down into smaller, manageable chunks. It doesn’t mean you have to declutter the entire linen closet. One shelf at a time is enough. When you’ve ticked that off your list, something unusual happens. You actually start to feel good about yourself and your home.

You’ll notice amazing changes to so many other areas of your life. Things like actually improving your mental health and becoming stress free. You’ll have more time to think about healthier eating, thinking about your physical health, improve your relationships with family and friends. You’ll find new found energy that will improve productivity in other areas of your life, whether that’s at work or at home. You’ll sleep better and even maybe lose a few pounds.

Question 2: Is this how I want to live my life?

Ask yourself. No, I mean it. Ask yourself out loud “is this really the way I want to live my life?” Of course it isn’t but saying it out loud and saying the answer out loud, you’ll be making a positive affirmation to yourself to want to make a change.

Dr Phil always says “you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge”. If you don’t acknowledge that you want to change the way you live, it won’t happen. Write it on a big piece of paper and put it up on the wall:

I WANT A BETTER HOME LIFE FOR MYSELF AND MY FAMILY

If you see that every day, you will automatically start to make changes, however small, to your home life. Remember, it doesn’t have to happen overnight. It might take 3 months, it might take 12 months. It will be an ongoing chore. How you keep your home is up to you.

You’ll begin to remember YOU. What you used to love doing. What you were passionate about. Something you always wanted to try. You’ll remember those precious moments when your children were babies. You’ll have time to sit and just be. It’s not selfish, it’s what you need to nourish your soul.

Being surrounded by too much stuff and mess isn’t going to help you get there. It’s entirely up to you just how much effort you put in. The more effort, the more return you’ll get. If it means that you haven’t washed your floor but everything is picked up off it, go and enjoy a cup of tea in peace, read a book, surf the internet, go for a walk, watch Netflix, start a new hobby. Whatever it is, do it. You need balance in your life and you need to remember just exactly who you are.

Question 3: What do I need to do to get my home in order and to keep on top of it?

This is my kitchen when I wake in the morning. Is it exactly how I would like it? No. Is it at a level that I’m happy with? Yes. My children wash the dishes every night and as long as I have clear counter top in the morning, I’m happy. I’ve set my expectations lower and at a more manageable level. I’m teaching the children to be responsible for their parts in the upkeep of the home and that’s what’s important for me right now.

This is where it is entirely up to you. You know your own level of expectation and what you’re capable of. Look on the internet for inspiration but don’t, just don’t think you’re a failure if you see a picture of the perfect pantry and wonder how you’ll ever get yours to look exactly the same.

Don’t set yourself unrealistic expectations because you’ll fail every time. Set yourself a level that you can manage. It’s hard work and time consuming to maintain that level of organisation especially if you have young children at home. If it means having a pantry where nothing is labelled or put into pretty baskets but you can see exactly what you have and you have stored like with like, that’s enough.

As the children grow, you’ll find you’ll have more time to organise these areas of your home exactly the way you want to. If you can put away your groceries quickly and find them quickly to prepare a meal, you’re doing well. That’s all you need to do.

The same goes for housework. You don’t need to have a cleaning schedule that says “Mondays I wash floors, dust and vacuum” or “Wednesdays I clean the entire bathroom”. That’s too restrictive. What if something comes up, like it often does with children in the house? Wednesday comes and goes and you haven’t cleaned the bathroom. You might begin to feel like you’ve failed yourself again.

Rather, clean as you go. Wipe the vanity after you’ve brushed your teeth. Give the shower a quick wipe down after you’ve showered. Make the evening dishwashing routine a change to give the floor a quick sweep and the appliances a quick wipe down. You’ll feel so accomplished and begin to see real changes in the home.

Remember, you’re doing an amazing job! You’re managing as best you can under the circumstances. If you ever feel like you’re not coping at all, please seek professional help. Us mothers put ourselves under too much pressure to conform to a particular level or standard. Only you knows what your capable of and what you can maintain. If you want to make a change to the current state of your home, you can do it! You can make the change and have a better life for yourself. I know you can!